Crazy is as Crazy does…

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So..

I kind of did something super stupid today.

Remember last year when I ran my first marathon in horrendous conditions.

(Remember all the awesome stuff that happened afterwards)

((insert all the eye rolls to my super awesome hyper links here))

Yeah….well……you see…..

I done gone stupid again.

I don’t know if it’s the fact that I feel I have no motivating factors with me anymore (yes), or the need to have a goal again (yes), or the want to have a better full marathon experience (yes), but something inside tells me that I *have* to do this. 

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That’s right folks…

I am running the Wineglass Marathon AGAIN, my 2nd full marathon,

this year on September 30th!!

Again, plan or no plan. Again, fully ready or not…this race is my destiny.  It’s my legacy in a way…considering we don’t get big marathons around here.  I won’t travel that far away for a full…fuck…I don’t even want to do a full locally, but I’m going to do it.

Why??

Because sometimes…we have to push our ourselves. 

Because sometimes…we need to strive for something more.

Because sometimes.. we cut our selves short.

Because sometimes… We are far more awesome than we give our selves credit for.

Because sometimes… we’ve been screwing around off program far too long enough…

Training plan. No training plan. I will run this 26.2 just like I ran the last…

With heart, determination, and pure craziness.

For all of you, for my friends, for my family, but most of all…for ME…

Hopefully this time I won’t get deathly sick, but a who knows what kind of outcome will enter my life this time

I’m pretty sure nothing will beat last time or live up to it but hey,

I like to beat myself up a little Winking smile xoxo 

It’s not easy…

35 comments
I don’t know where to begin…

I’ve been 10 lbs or so lbs over my goal weight…I’m almost 30 lbs from my NYC shoot….

The #’s are nothing to me. It’s how I  feel.

And I feel like fucking shit!!

I remember when maintenance was such a light…such a joy!! I had made it!! This was my time to live…in my new body…my new soul…my new ME!!

ENJOY IT NOW!!  Because I am sorry but one thing I learned…a year in WW maintenance  is NOTHING!! I was on cloud 9 too, taking TONS of pictures, GLOATING about how GREAT I felt…it gets old…it gets common…this is the real situation…the stigma wears off…

I thought I had the system beat…people who lose weight and regain it.  I thought, given EVERYTHING amazing that has happened to me, that I beat the fall back…

You don’t know….you just don’t know…

I’m so lost.

I don’t regret or want to take back ANYTHING I have done for WW…everytime someone writes, tweets, FB, ANYTHING about seeing me in a WW ad, I get giddy and excited!! I could NOT be more proud!!
THAT’S MY LIFE!!  I LOVE AND LIVE WEIGHT WATCHERS!!

But people struggle….

more than a pound or two….

people struggle…

pressure…its hard. I feel I need to be perfect for you guys, even though I’ve never fucking been perfect.

I feel:
  • embarrassed
  • ashamed
  • scared
  • frustrated
  • scared
  • angry
  • pissed
  • violate
  • scorn
  • disappointed
  • depressed
  • upset
  • sad
  • numb
  • hopeful
  • rock bottom
  • not good enough
  • not worthy
  • not sexy
  • not beautiful
MOTHER FUCKING ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don’t like this…I don’t like these feelings…and while I like angry…I like it at everyone but myself.  I can always help everyone else, but I can never seem to help myself. Maybe I need to step in…again…

**Edit: Thank you so much to every one for their kind words. You have no idea how much it means to me to have all of your support, and knowing that I'm not alone. I woke up wondering if I should take this post down, but I've never done that before and I don't intend to start now. Writing this was helpful for me. And while it's painful to read over, it's made me realize that I have to be more honest with myself and that I need to take care of *me*.  I didn't gain 101 lbs back...I didn't gain half of that back...I gained a little, and I've learned A LOT.  I know what I need to do to get back to my goal weight and most importantly, I know what I need to do to feel like my happy, beautiful self again. XOXO

Weight Loss Boss

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Sometimes things happen in my life that I just can’t seem to grasp….

an engagement,

a national campaign,

TV spots, Magazine Ad’s, online features…

It still till this day seems like a dream.  I don’t know if it will EVER hit me. 

The other day while driving to work, I turned to Frankie (who for the record was driving so no harm was potentially done to fellow drivers) and said “OH MY GOD” and I began to sob…

then it hit me…I’ve been online, I’ve been on TV, I’ve been in magazines and now…

I’m in a book!!!!

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I am BEYOND THE MOON happy to say that I am part of this amazing book!! I can not believe that I was asked to be part of something so special and I still can’t believe it’s happening.  Another amazing piece in this amazing puzzle.

Here’s the thing…I could tell you to go out and buy this book JUST because I’m in it, but there are SO many other reasons why you should (none of which I get paid for by the way so you buying this book is just awesome…it doesn’t help my wallet at all so that’s not why I’m writing this post…however if you want to give me $$ email me. We can work something out)…

Here is the synopsis of the book:

LEARN HOW HE LOST WEIGHT AND IS KEEPING IT OFF
In this surprising memoir, Kirchhoff chronicles his slide from lanky kid to officially obese 34 year old, his struggles to maintain a healthy relationship with food and his quest to find an exercise regimen that sticks.
Sprinkled among the blunt confessions, hard-won knowledge and weight-loss science, you'll also find inspiring profiles of the struggles and success stories of everyday Weight Watchers members and celebrity friends (
I’m pretty sure they are talking about me here ;P), including an original piece by Weight Watchers ambassador for men, Charles Barkley.

Why am I so proud to part of this book:

  1. Well…it has ME in it…lets not be stupid here people. That’s fucking awesome!!
  2. Kiss ass but total honest moment…David Kirchhoff has paved a new path for Weight Watchers.  One that I have followed and hopefully helped to have many follow.  This isn’t your grandma’s program anymore (though we love our gram's!!).  He has taken WW and transformed it into something bigger and better.  He has expanded the traditional barriers of a CEO and has embraced the people…the people who make the company that he is CEO of a success!! And he knows it.  He may be the CEO of WW, but he is a member first and he never forgets it.  As a woman in business, he is a man and leader that I look up to.  And listen here Mr. K…I’m kind of after your job. I’m a littler bit hotter and I’m pretty sure I can drink you under the table..so watch out Winking smile
  3. SO many amazing, inspirational REAL stories!! This book is REAL!! Real stories…real struggles…real solutions!!
  4. More inspiration to motivate my community!! Since the commercials, it’s been AMAZING to see the local response.  I haven’t even done local news or newspapers but people heard & know. The amount of people that have joined WW since seeing my commercial is AMAZING.  And hearing members stories & talking to them, giving them hope…I love what I’m hopefully doing for CNY. 
  5. Um….the BEST part of this book… WeightLossBoss_B_08

THAT’S RIGHT!!!!!! ALL the profits go to the amazing No Kid Hungry Campaign. This is a HUGE deal for me, as over the past year I have become more aware and more active in this disgusting epidemic that is effecting our country.  So for me to be part of something that is HELPING this cause…well, I could not ask for more.

The book comes out May 8th.  You can pre-order it here:

WeightLossBoss_B_05

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Don’t just order it because I’m in it (or do). Don’t just order it because a great man wrote it (or do).  Don’t just order it because it’s Weight Watchers related (or do).

Order it because it’s just another amazing anchor that Weight Watchers provides to you to continue on the amazing journey you are on to becoming a more happy and healthy you!! And just think about what your purchase gives…IT GIVES BACK!!

And for a limited time I’m willing to sign copies of the book for a meer $100.00.  I would charge less..but you know…I’m kind of a big deal.

OK FINE….I will do it for free….jeez you guys are cheap. I’m still a big deal!!

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