Today the type of days I dream of…
Mid 60’s, early 70’s ALL DAY LONG….low humidity…just a couple of cute passing clouds in the sky…no rain, but hey, even if it did sprinkle, no bother.
Today reminded me of Autumn…my favorite season. And with my favorite season brings my favorite holiday, Halloween, and my birthday (October 19th…the most bad-ass day of the year ;) and a climate and smell to the air that brings nothing but peace and calm that no other season can bring.
This Autumn also brings my first full marathon.
So one would ask…”well, you must have gone running on this seemingly perfect day right?!?!”
Instead I sat my lazy ass on the couch & thought about how beautiful it was and thought about how much I should/wanted to be out there.
I came to a realization today…a deep one. Earlier on Twitter I posted things that I miss, and I said : I miss Airplanes, NYC, excitement and running for fun/pleasure.
That is SO true….and just typing those words made me open my eyes.
I have always said since day 1 that I am NOT a long distance runner. I have no desire to follow training plans, or do Ultras, or run 100 miles a week…
And this my friends, is the answer to why I haven’t worked on my marathon training.
Do I want to run a 26.2…yes, I do….
Do I want to do it this year…..I did….
Do I still want to….yes, just to say I did and get it done with….no other reason!!
I miss going out after work and running 3-6 miles because I WANTED TOO!! I miss running because I felt like it, not because I felt like I HAD to!! I miss running without aches and pains…because the aches and pains mean that I am running towards something that I’m fighting against…I know my body.
I’m not going to blame social media….or others….not even on myself.
People change….GOALS change….even within an 8 month time. 8 months ago….my life turned upside down and things havent been the same. *I* havent been the same…not in a bad way, just in a crazy, hectic, wtf do I do now way!?
I’m going to do the marathon I October, because I set out to do it….I made a commitment to myself. Do I love it as much today as I did 8 months ago…no. Will I be all “OMG IM SO HAPPY I DID IT I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER IM SO BLESSED” afterwards…eh, not unless I’m drunk….
But I will do it….and I will give it my best. Because I know that I *DESRVE* the best. So from here on out…I’m not going to fake it or make myself believe something I truly don’t believe. I don’t care if I only run 2 miles between now and October 2nd. I want to run because I *want* to run…I want to run because I *want* choose to….not because I feel like I have to or should.
Sometimes, we stop listening to ourselves…and that is when we start to fall apart.