Monday, March 29, 2010

Welcome

welcome-comments-101

OK, please *DONT* un-follow me.  I saw this hilarious and uber ridiculous picture online & I just had to post it LOL.

 

Ok….if your eyes can get away from the pink sparkles for a minute, I just want to say “Welcome!”.  I can’t believe that I have over 100 blog followers.  I remember the day I was surprised I had 10!  I’m so glad you have all found me because I am gaining more and more inspiration from each of you.  Some days I get worried that my having a blog is just outright silly and pointless, but what I learn from all of you makes it more than worth it!!  YAY!!  :-D

Well, hopefully I will not disappoint & I really look forward to hearing from you guys and hopefully the ones to come!! 

XOXO-Suzi

Sunday, March 28, 2010

It’s Best To Confess

If you’ve been following my tweets on Twitter this past week (if you don’t please do! @suzistorm & I will gladly add you) you have probably noticed that I haven’t been myself this week.  The amount of stress that was laid up me earlier in the week (actually starting from last Saturday) seemed to have really taken quite a hard hit on my willpower.

So lets start at last Saturday.  It was the first day of Spring and the weather here was due to be gorgeous.  I knew that Frankie had plans to go play a round of golf with his brother so this meant I could try the new Yoga Meltdown dvd I picked up Friday night.  Also I knew that his son Damon (He’s 11, will be 12 in August) would still be asleep so I could even sneak out for a run too. Man, I was excited!!  I even was careful to not over indulge in beers on Friday night…seriously.  I think I only had like 8 Budweiser 55’s!!  (for those of you new to this blog, please note that I can down some serious beers LOL.  Seriously, like 1/2 a 30-rack just gets me a buzz)  I was *so* looking forward to this.

Then Saturday came.  We woke up nice and early and kissed Frankie and sent him on his way, after he helped me move the extremely heavy coffee table so I would have room to do my Yoga.  I made myself a fresh pot of coffee and I even had a tweet that said the following:

tweet1

Then this one….can you tell how excited I was??

tweet2

Then it all went downhill from there.  At approximately 9:30 my stomach began to attack me.  Not to get into the gross and un-lady like details, but I was pretty much locked into my bathroom for the next hour and a 1/2.  When I finally felt like I was ok, I decided it was time to get out and get running.  I was already way behind my schedule but I tried not to let this bother me.  As I had just finished putting on my running clothes my mother calls me to tell me that she is going to the car dealership & wants to know if I want to go with her.  Now because I knew that if she got a new car that she was giving us her old one (not really old, its a 2004 Hyundai Elantra with only 48K miles on it!) I kind of felt obligated to go with her, so I said yes and began to change OUT of my running clothes.  Now, not to bore you with how long and drawn out this story gets, let me just highlight for you what happened from that moment on up until Thursday…

  • As I was waiting for my mom to come pick me up, Damon comes downstairs and vomits all over the carpet.  He then continues to throw up about 6 more times.
  • My mother never comes to get me. She decided to stop there by herself.  She does however call to tell me that she got the car and she should be done signing the paperwork in a few minutes and that she will be on her way to pick me up so I can drive my “new” car back to my house.
  • She calls me about 2 hours later & there is a whole slew of issues and what not that they need to do, but that they said not to worry and she should be able to pick up her new car on Monday at lunch time.  She’s upset & crying & I’m trying to console her while cleaning out Damon’s puke bowl….again.
  • I never got to go running, or do my Yoga Meltdown
  • Damon thankfully felt better that night but could not sleep and came into our room every hour to wake us up & tell us that.  Then the next morning I get woken up at 8:00 in the morning by hearing him yelling on the video game with his buddy.
  • Fast forward to Monday. The car dealership calls my mom and tells her everything is all set.  He has already called her insurance agency and we are good to go.  Appointment to pick up the car was set for noon.  Whoo Hoo!!
  • It’s not 11:28 and we are getting ready to leave.  She gets a call from the dealership saying that she has to either give them the Elantra or another $5000, or no car.  This is where I crack.

She went to another dealership, but it took a couple more bumps along the travel.  Needless to say, Wednesday night she picked up her new car and Thursday I spent the day at the DMV switching over the plates from the truck to the Elantra.  I was beyond tired from the whole experience.  I didn’t even make it to my Weight Watchers meeting that day. :(  But the Syracuse Orange Basketball team was playing that night and I was looking forward to relaxing with some beers & Chinese takeout.  That all was going well until SU lost and Frank started acting like a baby.  He stormed upstairs and I stayed downstairs and began to drink numerous amounts of beer in record time.

I was so upset and pissed off, I actually started to contemplate picking up and moving out of state.  I was just so tired of *everything* at that moment.

I woke up Friday morning feeling yucky & hung over.  Frankie and I were better and knew it was just pent-up frustration that we’ve been dealing with all week.  I was so hung over though that I knew I had to get something kind of greasy in my stomach.  So when my fellow hung over co-workers suggested breakfast pizza to cure the pain, I said oh HELL yes!  It would be from this moment on that I would continue to binge on the following foods, and drink at least 15+ Coors Lights Friday & Saturday night:

  1. Friday Morning- slices of Bacon breakfast pizza
  2. Friday Lunch- A house salad with ranch dressing & split a chicken tenders platter with Frankie
  3. Friday Afternoon-  Some corn chips from a guy at work, a caramel cream candy
  4. Friday Dinner- 2 slices of pizza with sausage, pepperoni & mushrooms.  Then I think I had 8 chicken wings with blue cheese.
  5. Friday Evening- Oh probably about 18 beers or so.  Then I snuck another slice of pizza…and then another, or maybe it was just 1/2, I dont remember.  So yes, that makes about 6 fucking slices of pizza in one day!
  6. Saturday morning I was so full and disgusted with myself, I didnt even want to look at food.  I told myself I take back control & I had a yogurt.
  7. Saturday Lunch- Frankie wanted McDonalds but I stayed strong & I got the grilled southwest chicken salad. 
  8. Saturday Dinner- I was supposed to make healthy chicken parmigan.  I had to meet my mom out at Barnes & Noble where we got a coffee.  It was a light mocha-cherry frapp.  She then asked me if I wanted to go grab a beer next door at Uno’s.  I usually say ‘no thanks’ but I felt kind of bad saying that considering all she had done for me this past week. So…we grab some beer, and split a Shrimp & Crab Fondue & some Mexa-Chili nacho’s. 
  9. Saturday Evening- I grabbed Taco Bell for the boys.  I continued to again, drink massive amounts of Coors Light.  When Frankie offered me a taco I just couldn’t resist.  We watched a movie and I started to watch ‘Saturday Night Live’.  While he was upstairs in bed, I snuck a piece of cold pizza…and then I think I bit a few pieces off of another one.  Dipping them in light ranch of course.

That brings me to today.  I have a slight hang over and my stomach is killing me.  I’m trying not to wallow in the depression that my actions and behavior have led me to feel.  I *AM* taking back control today!!  I started out by tracking again (of course!) and planning.  After I finish writing this I plan on getting out to the grocery store and stocking up my house with healthy foods.  Foods I normally would want to eat. 

I want to feel good again.  I want to feel like me again.  I almost feel like that girl you see in the green shirt on the side of this page.  Today also marks it as being 1 week since I’ve ran or done any exercise of any kind.  I feel just awful.

But sitting here and feeling guilty over things that I cannot now change will get me no wheres.  I need to re-coupe, re-group, re-think, re-frame. We all fall down sometimes but all we can do, and all we *have* to do is pick ourselves up, dust our selves off, and start moving in the right direction.

The major downer though is that I am supposed to submit my Weight Watchers Role Model info in by the end of this week.  I’ve been lazy with this and I can’t even come up with an essay I like enough to send.  Also, I haven't even taken my ‘after’ photo and now I know I’m up a few pounds.  Ugh. 

I’m letting all of this negativity and shame go!!  Watch out world, because Suzi is coming back!!

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Running tracks

No, this blog post isn’t about running on the track, though that is pretty cool if you have one available to you to run on.  There’s an outdoor track at the local junior high that I might check out during the summer sometime.
When I see people running on treadmills with no ipod, mp3 player, cd player, cassette tape player, or even this bad boy:
mini_disc_player430x300
I really wonder how the hell they do it?!?!?!  It’s one thing to run outside with no music and to just enjoy the sounds of nature and what have you, but there is no way I could run for more than a minute without some tunes going into my head. 
I listen to every style of music that's out there…rock, heavy metal, country, oldies, pop, jazz…everything.  My ipod has a pretty embarrassing collection loaded onto it.  Some songs I would never publicly admit to having on there even LOL. 
Sometimes, I like to run to really dirty, explicit rap songs LMAO.  I mean, I’m pretty sure that just by listening to these songs I have in someway had an affair with these men.   
Well I am not going to sit here and list all the songs on my ipod (or the ones I would tell you about anyway ;-).  But I do want to share one track I found recently that gets me PUMPED!!  I think I just repeated this track over and over on my last 7 mile run.  It really puts the pep-in-my-step ;-)
What do you guys listen to when you run??  Any special tracks that motivate you??

Friday, March 26, 2010

A new blog!

So I decided to branch out and start another blog.  This one is non-WW related.  Here I plan to just share things I find that I love and find beautiful.  Maybe just a photograph, or maybe just a web link...who knows!!  I come across things all the time that I think everyone in the world should be aware of.  Please come on by and check it out....
http://twisttheheart.blogspot.com/

Thursday, March 25, 2010

East Coast!!

Whats UP?!?!?

I’ve never done this before, and I know the notice is somewhat insane….but I need a loan…..

If you live on the East Coast…..RUN!!  Between the hour of 5:30-6:00 EST RUN YOUR ASS OFF……just a half an hour.  It doesnt matter how fast or how slow you go. I dont even want to know your distance.  I don’t want to know shit other than that you ran a 12 hour!!

I just want to know, that for a split second or two, we joined together and ran our asses off to make goal……

 

LETS DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!

 

PS:  You dont have to *run*….just MOVE….just tell me you moved!! 

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Run You Say??

A lot of you recently have asked me recently on here (like my girl @mesohongry.  I adore her and she is hilarious! Please check out her blog Ah...Me So Hongry!) and via Twitter how I started running.  Well that’s an easy answer…

Just put one foot in front of the other and keep doing that over and over at a faster pace than you would if were walking.  DUH!!

Um yeah….NOT so much.

Let me give you a little history of my “running background”.  In grade school, I couldn’t even run the dreaded “mile” they made you do.  I was lucky if I made it a 1/4 way through the track.  And if I did make it that far, I was usually crying and hyper-ventilating.  I tried *everything* in my willpower to get me out of running that mile each year, and most of the time I was successful.  The funny part is, I was skinny then!  Actually some years I was grossly skinny (I dealt with depression most of my life and during my teen years I just chose not to eat a lot.  I was by no means healthy.).  Asking me to run was like asking me to put my body through a meat grinder…no thanks!

So you are probably wondering why I run now huh??  Well even though I compared the actually physical part of running to pain and torture, I always envied the way runners looked…and I don’t mean their bodies.  Watching people run looked so beautiful.  It almost seemed graceful to me in a way.  It looked like fun and like a killer workout.  In my mind, putting on some headphones and running away sounded like pure bliss.  So one day I decided that I wanted to be that “runner”. 

I first started with the C25K program (that's the ‘couch to 5K’ for those who are not already familiar).  I enjoyed it, and I really do believe that if it wasn't for that program I probably would have never kept trying to run.  With that said, please know that I never even went all the way through with week 3…possibly not even week 2.  It’s not that the program isn’t great because really, it is.  It just seems for me, training programs like that bore me and if I don’t succeed at them, I quit.  But again, I never would have tried to run 30 seconds if it wasn't for that regime.  It was my starting point you could definitely say.

Ok…so that's how I started.  The thing is, I can’t tell any of you *how* to run.  I guess I can only tell you things that I did that have worked for me.  So here is some of my advise:

  1. Take it *slow*!!  This is probably the hardest thing to do.  You always want to run faster and you always want to run longer.  But the biggest truth in running is that the #1 way to injure yourself is to do too much too soon.  I have been a victim to this many times and believe me, it sucks.  Set mini goals, like running for a minute straight, or running a 1/4 mile straight and build onto that.  Try not to build on any more than 10% of what you can already do. 
  2. Not every run will be as good as the last.  You will always get that one *great* run, usually followed by a not so great run.  Do not let this discourage you.  Just because you ran 3 miles one day and can barely get through 1 the next or the day after does not mean you are not making progress.  You will probably have just as many shitty runs and as you will awesome runs.  Don’t let these get you down.
  3. Speaking of things not getting you down…don’t set goals that are too crazy.  You are pretty much just setting yourself up for disappointment.  If you know you can only handle running 3 miles right now, don't sign up for a 1/2 marathon that's happening next month.  Be realistic!  I signed up for a 1/2 marathon after I had ran 6 and my 1/2 is 6 months away.  It was 9 months when I signed up for it and it has given me an awesome goal to work towards in a realistic amount of time without hurting myself.
  4. Rest, rest, rest.  Sure, now that you are running you may think that you are ready to get out there and run 5 x’s a week but at first, that's probably not the case.  There will be times where you don't run just because you don’t want to, and that's ok.  But in time you will know the difference between your mind telling you not to run and your body.  Be attentive and if its just your mind…make yourself put your sneakers on at least…tell yourself you’ll just 1/2 a mile, or a mile.  You’ll be amazed at how happy you are that you started and might even be more surprised to see how far you go!
  5. Spend money!  One of the things that gets me really excited about running is getting new running gear!  And no, I don't have the $$ to go and buy all the crazy high tech gear…it’s amazing what you can find at Target or Marshalls. ;-)  Maybe a new pair of running Capri's, or a new dry-wick shirt would be just what you need to get you out the door more.
  6. Become a running nerd.  I follow countless running blogs, and I subscribe to Runners World.  I even have dorky computer wallpapers with running quotes on them that I put up on my computer at work sometimes.  I’m not ashamed…and remember my running mug…I’m a running dork…OH WELL:shopping 002
  7. The first couple miles….suck!!  For me anyways, the first mile or 2 are usually awful.  They hurt and I’m stiff and they are just blah!!  I stretch pretty good before hand too (that is another MAJOR tip…stretch, stretch, stretch!)
  8. HAVE FUN!!  Try not to put so much pressure on it.  You’re not running for money, or for your life (or I at least hope not!)…you are running to build a better you.  You are running to escape where you are right now.  Enjoy the sounds of nature, or put on some good tunes and just let go.  Try your best not to think about aches or pains and just let go and run. 

I am a person who *never* thought they would be able to call themselves a runner, and today I call myself just that!  I don't always love it, hell, some days I just straight up hate it, but I never give up.  Even on a bad run I still keep going.  And sometimes when I’m having that *really* bad run and I stop (this doesn't happen often, it’s only happened to me maybe 3 times.  If you find it happens a lot, you might want to re-examine why you are really quitting) and I tell myself that that particular day just wasn't my day to run.

Today I ran 7.29 miles in 1 hour and 22 minutes.  Not too shabby, but still not my best time.  My pace was a bit slower than it has been in the past but for some reason the past 2 week I seem to have slowed my pace a bit, but I am getting more mileage throughout the week so I will take that.  When I start to think that it wasn’t a great accomplishment, I take a look at this map that shows where I ran and I realize that I ran to places that I normally would only drive to…and beyond!!:

run

My longest run is 8.28 miles which I did in 1:33, so while today’s run wasn’t the longest I’ve had, or even the best pace, I still focused on the great sense of accomplishment I got from going ahead and running some where's out of the “norm” for me.  It was a challenge and I gladly accepted!!

Oh, I also tried my first energy gel today.

IMAG0095

It wasn’t bad tasting either!! It was only 2 pts and I have to say that my first few miles went by a little easier than normal, but maybe that was all in my head.  I would try it again, but maybe this time take it /2 through my run so I don’t run out of fuel so much at the end. 

 

So, that's all I can think of for right now.  I hope those are some ok tips, but again, it’s nothing really new.  If you guys have any other questions or want to know anything else please feel free to ask!!  Any advise that you guys want to share please do as well.  I’m still learning and believe me, there is A LOT to learn. 

It’s getting late here and I am *beyond* tired, thanks to this shit-tastic weekend I had (details may be in another post this week), but I will leave you all with this gift…here are two sites that I go to frequently (probably every day almost) that really inspire me and my journey with running….enjoy!:

  1. Skinny Runner
  2. Endurance Isn't Only Physical

Friday, March 19, 2010

Chickuuuaaawn

Hello lovelies!!  I hope that everyone is having a happy Friday.  I know that I am very glad it is the weekend!!  We have the SU Orange basketball game tonight and then Frankie is going golfing with his brother tomorrow morning.  I picked up that new Jillian Michaels Yoga Meltdown dvd that every one keeps talking about so I think I will try that in the morning.  I need to start spicing up my workout routine and add in some more workouts other than just running. 

Now it’s time for a delicious, yet uber simple recipe to take us into the weekend…

Do you every think to yourself “ugh, I guess it’s chicken for dinner tonight…again!”, or the one I more acquainted with, your spouse saying “Oh Jesus, more chicken?!?!”. 

Yeah…it happens.  As great and nutritious as chicken be, it can also get to be plain old sick and tiring!!  I always try to research to find fancy new recipes and such but lets be honest here…it does not take much to add some “jazz hands” to chicken.   

For example, here is a recipe I threw together earlier this week with some items I had in my refrigerator. 

Ingredients:

-2 large chicken breasts, filleted into 4 breasts

-2 Kumato Tomatoes (any kind of tomato will work, these are just the fancy ones I picked up at the grocery store this week. I like to be a fancy pants sometimes.)

-Reduced Fat, or Fat Free (yuck!…oh, I mean YUM :/ ) Mozzarella cheese

- Spices like Italian seasoning, salt, pepper, oregano, what-ever-the-hell-you-have-in-the-pantry-seasoning

 

First, take the chicken breast and Season Away!!  You might want to shake your spices like they are maracas and dance around…it’s cRaZy fun!!

 chicken 001

Bake in the oven at 350 degrees for 20 minutes, flip and cook another 15 minutes or so depending on thickness.  While those are cooking you can cut up these gems…

chicken 004

What the F*ck?!?!

chicken 010

Ok, if you say so…

chicken 011

Oooooh, yummy!!

chicken 012

Once the chicken is cooked all the way through place the sliced tomatoes on top of chicken…about 3 to 4 tomatoes per breast (hee hee, I said breast) depending on size

chicken 013

Then top each breast (there I go again!) with 1/4 cup of the mozzarella

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Then place under broiler for a couple of minutes…make sure to watch it so it doesn’t burn, and VOILA!

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It was delicious!!  Even Frank loved it.  Simple, cheap, easy (no, we are not talking about me here!) and only 5 pts if you ate the smaller chicken breast or you could use set points and say 7 for a larger portion. 

Just another way to think outside the box and when it comes to using what you have in the box!      That makes no sense huh…oh well. 

Have a great weekend everyone!!

Thursday, March 18, 2010

VICTORY!!

So I had my WW meeting tonight and I was planning on doing a different type of post about it when I had a bit more time, but I just have to get something out there…

Before going in today's meeting, I didn't really know what to think.  Normally I feel *fat* or *bloated* or *great*…normally when I feel gross I do well and when I feel great I gain, LOL.  Can some one tell me what the hell that is all about?!?!  Talk about mind games.

Well I ended up with a 3 lb loss tonight!!  I had a feeling I would have a loss…something felt different.  Everything felt smaller in a way, as strange as that sounds.  Well, I guess that tracking every single beer I drank this week for the first time on WW’s helped!!

I was SO excited about this.  This gave me another 5 lb star for 65 pounds lost and actually that puts me at 67.6 lost so far!!  WOOO WOOO!!

So here’s the victory part…my first time on WW, I lost a lot of weight…alot less than I originally thought actually, but it was about 55 lbs.  I thought I still had about another 2 lbs to be to where I was when I last left WW’s and got together with Frank.  For shits and giggles I decided to pull out my weight tracker from years ago and check and well………

I WEIGH LESS!!!!!!!

I am .6 less than where I was when I had my last WI with WW before leaving almost 3 years ago!!  At that point in my life I felt great.  Frankie loved my body and I was *so* confident.  Funny thing is…I think I am *more* confident now!!

So I can say “Bye-Bye” to the old WW weight tracker that ONCE recorded my lowest weight (known to WW’s that is) and rip it up if I wanted to (but I wont)…

100318-204318

Side note:  I apologize for the obscene fingernail polish…it’s to support the Syracuse Orange Basketball & their game in the NCAA tournament tomorrow night. GO ORANGE!!

A few people who are close to me know just *how* important getting to this point was.  I am still a little bit away from my goal weight…though according to one lady at my meeting tonight, not very far!!  I have dreamed of being back to this point for what seems like eternity, yet it only took a little over a year.  I just wanted to be back to where I *was*…now, I’M PAST IT!!!!

HOLY SHIT!!!!

I’m going to keep working hard.  I am going to keep putting forth my best effort.  I am going to keep fucking up sometimes but I am going to keep forgiving myself.  I am going to keep trying new things.  I am going to keep pushing myself to the limit.  I am going to keep trying my utmost best to stay on track.  I am going to make myself prouder and prouder each day!!

Now is not the time to give up…now is the time to prove to myself that I can do this!!  That I am *STRONGER* than *EVER* before!!

I’ve never posted my weight like this before, but my dear TJ over at TJ's Test Kitchen inspired me to put my #’s out there.  I’ve always felt, and still kind of do, that my weight # is *HUGE*.  I guess I don’t factor in the part that I am quite tall for a female and in reality, I’m only about 15 lbs off from being the “healthy” weight.  So here they are:

As of 3/18/10-

Height= 5’9 (um…this probably (and hopefully) wont change for many, MANY years LOL)

Weight= 184.4 lbs

So thank you TJ.  You are a huge inspiration to me, and your tweets help me get through the day with a lot of laughs and motivation.  I absolutely adore you and you are kicking so much ass lately!!  Just Keep Swiiiiiiiiiimming!!!!!!!  ;-D  XOXO

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

One “New” thing a week

So for the past 3 weeks now I have been making an effort to try one new thing a week.  So far these are all food related but I do plan on stretching them out to other area’s of my life.  (What that will be, I have no clue!)

Wait…I take that back, this past weekend I did actually *track my beer points* and what I ate Friday night.  I haven't done that in well, probably forever.  I counted all of my beer points over the weekend actually.  That is something “new” I guess huh??

Well anyways…With the encouragement of my WW leader about a month back, during one of our meetings she said to try and pick just one thing a week out at the grocery store to try.  Here is how it’s going so far:

Unsweetened Vanilla Almond Breeze-  Awesome!!  I know it doesn't have as much calcium as Silk does, but this is delicious and very low in points.  You get 8 oz (1 cup) for 1 point.  I love to add it to my cereal with a packet of substitute sweetener (I’m still working on cutting that out completely, but being the girl who was once knows as “would you like some coffee with that sugar?” I’m not sure it will happen any time soon).

Broccoli Sprouts-  My best friend Kimberly always talks about broccoli sprouts, and how good they are for you and how she just grabs them right out of the container and eats them raw.  Because she is a very wise soul and I trust her dearly, I just knew I had to try them.  Well…eh.  Now, to give her (and the sprouts) the benefit of the doubt, I did accidently buy a “blend” which apparently has radish sprouts and something else in them.  I would maybe give these another chance if they were just plain broccoli sprouts….or is this just how they come??  :/

Kumato Tomatoes-  Absolutely delicious!!  They look kind of weird, for a tomato, but they have a nice delicate, mild flavor.  I used these in a chicken recipe I will post later this week and they held up nicely.  Also great to eat as a snack! 

 

So what are some suggestions you guys might have for me to try??  What about celery root or jicama??  What would you like to try that's different to you that maybe you have been wanting to try (in my case, that was the Almond Breeze)??  It’s amazing how much you can “spice” up your week by just adding one or two new things into the mix. 

Also, I want to wish a Happy St. Patrick’s Day to everyone!!  I hope you are all having a fun and safe holiday.  I am making some WW-Friendly Guinness beef stew and enjoying a few Guinness’s myself.  I normally would never drink the night before my WI, but I had just an awful day at work today and I just love St. Patrick’s Day…so I am making this exception. 

Monday, March 15, 2010

Where did I go?

So today I had to print out my “before” photo for the Weight Watchers Role Model contest my leader nominated me for.  Now, you are might be thinking to yourself…big whoop, your before picture ( I really need to find something cute & clever to call it…my “chunkalicious” picture, “fattymcfaster” picture, “green goober” picture…what are we thinking?) is posted right on the front of your blog, so you see it all the time.  Well, yes.  But I don’t ever see it blown up into a size of 8 X 11.  Actually, I have seen it more than the size of a normal computer size thumbnail.  I’ve always been too afraid to really “look”.  But I looked today…

I can’t even begin to fully explain the depth of each emotion that came through me when I looked at that photograph.  I mean really *looked* at that photo.  I wanted to cry, vomit and start a fight club with myself all at the same damn time.  Looking at that photo makes me feel like I am looking at a stranger.  I have no idea who that girl is.  She looks lost, afraid, lonely and scared.

The truth of the matter is…maybe I was??  But why really??  It really made me go back and take a minute to look at why I did that to myself.  And sometimes that can be the hardest part.

Before I got my “before” picture, I had just lost a ton of weight on Weight Watchers.  I was feeling *great*.  I looked great and people were constantly letting me know it.  But I also was going through a lot of personal struggles at the time.  I had just found the courage to finally leave a relationship I was in for almost 7 years that just was not making me happy anymore.  I entered into a “situation” with someone that not only went completely against my morals but also led me to some very dark places within myself.  None of this was fun, though at the time I didn’t really see the enormity of all of it.  At the time I guess I thought I was on top of the world.

Then Frank and I got together.  And now I really *was* on top of the world.  Frank and I had known each other for 14+ years at this point and the situations we were both in are what brought us together.  It’s funny because a lot of people always said we would end up together…we always called them crazy…look at us now, LOL.

I was going out and meeting people!!  He had softball games 3 times a week and it was summer and gorgeous out.  We would meet up with friends after work for a beer and some dinner and hang out in the sunshine.  We would pick up his son on the weekends and go do things like play mini-golf or Frisbee. Doesn’t this sound like bliss??  Well, it was!!  So how in the hell did I end up gaining over 70 lbs!?!?!?

Sure, I can blame a portion of it on the medication treatments I had received during those 7 months (Summer-fall) but that cant justify it all.  And it definitely cant justify the lost look in my eyes.  I think I fell into the trap.  The relationship trap I guess.  I lost the relationship with *myself*.  I was so fixated on the one with Frank and his son and all these new people that I forgot about *me*. I never took time to stand back and watch what I was doing or how I was dealing with all these *huge* changes that had just taken place. Simply put, I just let myself go.  I ate whatever I wanted (and with Frank that can mean just about anything and a lot of it.  He’s a great cook!) and I was drinking Coors Light faster than they were brewing it in the Colorado Rockies baby!!  Sure, in the moment I was having a grand old time, but then I saw a photo of me on our first camping trip together, and I was in shock of what I had done to myself.

The truth is…you never really “feel” the weight gain.  You might feel your pants get a bit tighter, or your rings not slide around like they used to, but you always kind of look past those things and just figure they will “go away”.  Well more common than not, the next thing you know is you are waking up in a size 24 pants (they used to be size 14-16….happy to say they are a size 14 now!) and every camera angle you have has a double chin.

I remember the moment when I really had my breakdown, and it was when I decided to get serious about Weight Watchers!  I had re-joined a few weeks prior but I think at the time I thought that by me just walking in the door that they pounds would fall back off….I WISH!!  It was after a softball banquet where we had been eating some BBQ & drinking some free beer.  On the way home we decided to stop to KFC and grab something to eat for later at home.  It was through the drive-through that I had my mini-breakdown.  I was sobbing and screaming and saying over and over again how much I couldn’t believe what I had done to myself.  I even yelled at Frankie for *letting* me do that to myself….I know, seriously, what a bitch I am?!?!  The truth is, it wasn’t his fault at all. 

It would take me a couple more months for me to finally *wake up*.  Right after my moms major brain surgery last April (and me putting back on 14 lbs at the time) I really took my weight loss to great heights and that is what has gotten me to the 64.6 lbs lost so far today…hopefully I will make it past the 65 mark this week.  ;-)

It’s hard to look at that picture and say “I was depressed”, because I really wasn't.  Not with life anyways, but just with myself.  That just goes to show that the most important relationship you will *ever* have is the one with yourself.  The moment you lose track of your needs and what you want is the moment you start giving up.  It’s not just about eating right and exercising, but I find that those are really the stepping stones to keep you on track with own mental well being.  I only wish that I had taken a little longer, harder look in the mirror during those 12 months I spent “lost”.  What is done is done though and you know what…I fully believe that maybe without having gone through that, I wouldn't be as strong as I am today and I wouldn't be working as hard.  I make far more healthier choices than I did before and I work out even tougher (Hello….I’m a RUNNER now!!).  And of course, I have to thank Frankie for sticking by me and always making me feel beautiful.  Even more so now than ever.

Do I look lost now????

100315-175650 

OK…Maybe mildly retarded :-P   

 

I would like thank Jack over at Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit for the inspiration for this blog post.  I know it was crazy long and probably a bore to read, but it felt great to be inspirired to write again.  Maybe I need to take so much pressure off finding *something* to write about, and just let wild on the keyboard.  Thank you Jack.  Your blog always entertains and motivates me.  You truly are an inspiration all around!!

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Help me, Help me!

I-Want-You-For-US-Army-Poster-C10045043No, no, no…I don't want your help in enlisting in the Armed Forces…I need your help for my blog!!

I don’t know what my problem has been lately but I’ve been in a serious *funk* in the writing department lately.  Even that essay that I have to write for the Weight Watchers contest still hasn’t been completed.  I just can’t seem to come up with *anything*.  What the hell is my deal?!?!

Well it’s driving me crazy and I am hoping that some of you guys will help me out!!

What would you guys like to see me talk about??  Anything you want to know??  Anything you want me to try??  I’ll pay you for ideas…ok, that’s a lie.  I can’t pay you, but I will most certainly be forever grateful and will love you forever and always…my love aint cheap so believe me, that’s quite a hand out right there.

So ok my lovely lovelies…have at…leave me your comments (pretty pretty please and thank you) of what you’d like to see on here and help to ignite the fire in my brain that seems to have sparks right now…

 

 

Image found here

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Happy Weekend!!

I hope that everyone is having a great start to their weekend!!  Since St. Patrick's Days is on a Wednesday this year, I will be doing my “celebrating” today.  We are going to have my mother over for a nice corned beef and cabbage dinner, and of course….beer!

Green Beer

 

I’m also planning on getting another nice run into.  I’m hoping for a long one but we will see.  I never like to really set myself up for a certain distance until I actually start running.  I seem to be able to find more drive and determination to get there once I start, rather than saying before I start “ok I’m going to run X amount of miles”.  Who knows…it just works for me I guess. 

Yesterday was a really bad day at work….really bad.  A fellow co-worker/friend was let go.  The adjustment will be hard all together for many reasons.  For right now though, I am going to just try to enjoy my weekend before heading into god knows what of a work week.

Well, it’s about that time for me to start a pot of coffee, make some breakfast and get ready for my run.  I hope you all have a *fabulous* weekend and if you are celebrating St. Patrick’s a little bit early like me, well then…

Erin Go Bragh!

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

A cause near and dear to my *heart*

I wasn’t planning on running another event race so soon. Also I kind of had thought that my next race would be a 10K, but this is for a cause that is so near and dear to my heart that there is just no way I *can’t* participate in it.


I won’t go into the long, depressing history of my father and his behaviors here, but just know that when I was around 9 years old he and my mother finally split up. On his way home after dropping me off from one of our scheduled visits he died of a heart attack. He was 34 years old; I was only 10.

A few weeks prior to his death he was hospitalized for bronchitis and chest problems. In those years if you said you had chest problems, they gave you a quick x-ray and out the door you went. He was never extensively looked at like he should have been, or like they try to practice now.

My Uncle, also his brother, died of a the same causes at the age of 44.  I have always been told by doctors that due to my family history and of course, being a woman, that I have to be very careful to watch out for heart disease.  Hopefully through all my running, I am making my heart even stronger & stronger!!  

One association that has been working so hard for so many years to promote heart health and awareness is the American Heart Association.

I am happy to say that on April 17th I will be running 5 miles for this great organization. I would be honored to say that I have been able to raise a few bucks for this great cause. If you would like to and are willing to do so, please, *please* feel free to stop by my donation page and make a donation of any kind. It is truly appreciated. Thanks so much for reading!!

Some other heart-healthy links:

GO RED for Women
Healthier Generation
Start!
And of course...My donation page again  :-)



Image found here

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Today I was a runner

Today I looked my bad choices in the eye and said “you are not welcome here anymore!”.

Today I kept pushing myself because I knew it was the only way to beat out some of the guilt I have carried the past 2 days.

Today I ran my farthest distance yet.  Albeit a slower pace than normal but I pushed myself to 8.28 miles. 

Today I was a runner.

run3710

Please forgive me, as I have sinned…

I was a very bad girl this weekend.  I mean *bad*.  It’s like I took all that I knew about Weight Watcher’s and threw it out the window.  I just didn’t *want* to care.  I wanted to go out to the bar and have a *normal* beer (that’s Coors Light for me), not one of my watered down staples.  I wanted to eat pizza with the kids and not think about how points I was consuming (I ate 3…oh yeah, then I snuck on when we came home from the bar that early morning).

Then Saturday…and the hangover from hell.  As the sun was shining and the birds were chirping away in the nice warm weather, I sat here day dreaming about running all the while trying not to throw up every time I switched positions on the couch.  Of course all of this lead to guilt, which led me to just say “screw it, I’ll have fun today too!”. 

That brings us to Coopers where we have more beer….fried fish dinner….bacon cheddar fries.  Can I admit here that I literally ate until I felt sick????  That.Is.Disgusting!

Now, I could sit here and think about all the *garbage* that I have put into my system, and about how I let a beautiful weekend of running pass me by, but really…what is all of that guilt going to do??  *Nothing!*

So I bid farewell to the poor choices I made and say that it definitely had its fun moments.  But today is a new day!  2 days of bad eating & drinking does not throw away all the good days I have had to work off these 64.6 lbs!! 

Today I will take FULL advantage of the gorgeous weather we are having.  Actually it is the warmest day of the whole weekend.  So far I have already had my water, 2 servings of V8 fusion light (2 pts) my vitamins, and right now I am sipping on a cup of coffee (0) and a bagel thin (1) with WW cream cheese (1).  After I finish my little meal I will get ready to go out there and run in the lovely sunshine.

I will not let my poor decisions of the past hold me back from making good decisions in the future! 

I will not let my guilt take over my actions!

I will not let my poor actions of the past to bring me down today!

 

I hope everyone is having a great weekend!! XOXO

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Every pound matters

Tonight was my Weight Watchers meetings and it was *fantastic*.  Not only was I greatly surprised by what great result the scale had for me, but the energy in tonight's meeting was so positive and bursting at the seams!

So here’s my quick recap of my success this week:

  • I was down 3.2 lbs this week!!  This was completely shocking to me.  For those of you who follow me on twitter, you have been unfortunate enough to hear me complain all week about this stomach virus I have had and how I have been having some “difficulties”.  I was so surprised to see a loss…especially one like this, due to my “disorder” the past 3 days LOL.  Now please keep in mind that my meeting was cancelled last week due to the snow, so this is a combination of 2 weeks.  I think my leader forgot about that when she says we have to watch how fast I lose. :/  Anyways, this puts me at 64.6 lbs lost total so far!!  It just doesn't seem real to me most of the time. 
  • I ran 3 times this week and all of those runs were over 3 miles!  I had a nice 6.12 mile run on Saturday, 4 miles on Sunday and then despite all my stomach pain on Tuesday, I ran 3.27 ( I kind of just ran in hopes it would “get things moving”). Since I’ve been doing longer runs I’ve been taking more days off and its really not that good for me.  I need to be more consistent and this week I was!  This weekend is supposed to be full of sunshine and low 40 degree weather…you can catch me running outside this weekend!!!!
  • At out last meeting we talked about eating out and I had mentioned how it sucks when you try to make a healthy choice and it ends up tasting horrible and you end up eating again because you are not satisfied.  I talked about this local diner I went to recently where I got this awful chicken salad…it was basically 1/2 day old warm ice burg lettuce with a piece of dried out chicken breast on top.  This diner is normally good so I was surprised.  Well one of the guys who attends my meeting is friends with the owner of the market and he told him about what I said.  He gave my friend a $15 gift card to give to me as an apology and to please come in again and try another salad.  How awesome is that?!?!

Tonight's meeting was special to me thought because of any personal triumphs.  It was the celebrations of those around me that really put the smile on my face tonight.  We had *SO* many cute 5 lb stars to give out tonight, a 10% charm and a goal “gold” key!!!!  The 5 lb stars ranged everywhere from 20 lbs down to 6 lbs, but its the look on peoples faces that really stood out.  It didn't matter whether you were the one getting the 20 or the 6 lb star…you had a shit-eating grin on your face!!  Every single person was beaming at their loses and *they should be*. 

Just like my leader said…it doesn't matter how much you lose, what matters is that you are making the healthy choices in your life that will stick with you forever and will help to keep you around for another day.  We all have those moments where we only see that we are down .2 or .6 and we think to ourselves “it should have been more!” and we get frustrated.  It happens to us all more than we would like.  But its important to remember to keep going strong and that all those little .2’s & .6’s will add up to greater, larger numbers in our weight loss efforts.   

I know this saying is overused and honestly, sometimes I want to punch the person who came up with it, but it couldn't be more the truth…..”slow and steady wins the race.”

If you don’t think 1 lb is a lot…here an image to show you what 1 lb of fat looks like:

1 lb fat 

                                 Image found here

So congratulations to all my friends at my meeting tonight who got to celebrate in their success and be proud of it!!  You put an enormous smile on my face tonight.  I will think about all of you as I go into this week trying to make the best decisions possible for myself.

And remember…every step, big or small, counts!! 

Monday, March 1, 2010

Sassy Salad!

This morning I sat here at work wondering what the hell I was going to eat for lunch. I know I had bought the fixings to make up a salad. I also have a few items in the freezer that I could heat up. But I wanted something with a little pizzazz to it (yes, I just said pizzazz…probably the first time I’ve ever used that word). Then, just like in the cartoons, I light bulb appeared over my head…

I could cook up one of my Jalapeno Chicken Sausages and put it in a salad!!
I know, I know, I am a genius for creating this amazing concoction. Who would have thought huh??

I was going to wait and get more photographs together for this but Nah. I’ll share the goods now.

Since my dear Sheryl over at *BitchCakes* has already coined the term “Super Salad” for the amazing salad that she puts together for her lunch, I have decided to name mine the ‘Sassy Salad’. Please note that both salads are pretty super-sassy ;-)

Sassy Salad- 6pts
Ingredients:

-1 link- Al Fresco Spicy Jalapeno Chicken Sausage (3 pts)

-2 ½-3 cups or so of a mixed greens salad. My local grocery store, Wegman’s, carries nice bags of this. It’s got a little spinach, romaine, arugula and other crap in it (0 pts)

-2 tbsp- Atheno’s reduced fat feta crumbles (1 pt)

-Chopped up tomato & green pepper (0 pts)

-1/4 cup Fat Free Croutons (1 pt)….I love my croutons

-2 tbsp of Organic Sun Dried Tomato Vinaigrette (1 pt)…this is also a Wegman’s item

And voila…
























I would really like to add some cheese to this baby, since everything in life is better with cheese!! Maybe I would swap out the croutons for a laughing cow cheese wedge or cut up WW cheese single.

So easy & quick to put together! It’s amazingly filling too. You get your veggies & your protein in this bad boy.  This salad is so versatile, so feel free to add or subtract things to it. If anyone has any suggestions please let me know!!