Because I am a masochist...

If you follow me on my social media accounts then you probably already know that I am running the Lake Effect Half Marathon this weekend. Yes…against my better judgement I signed up months ago to tackle this race again. In case you are new around here or you forgot…this race was the hardest race I have ever ran. I’m not going to relive the experience and go into details again but you can read the recap here.

I decided though that I don’t want last years’ experience to be my final experience with this race. For as many reasons as to why I don’t like this race there are things that trump over all of them. Biggest one being, this race is like one giant family event. The Lake Effect Run Club is my family and this is our yearly party…if running 13.1 miles on a double out and back course in the middle of winter in Central New York is your idea of a party.

I have one goal for this race. Just one…and that is not have the mental breakdown that I had last year. I don’t care how long it takes me. I don’t care if I have to walk a few times. I don’t care if I don’t run as strongly as I have been lately. I just want to not mentally breakdown like I did last year.  (And given the certain circumstances in my personal life right now, this is really asking a lot)

One thing that is happening again are my efforts to raise money for Ophelia’s Place. I can’t say enough good things about this charity and all they do. While I did hit the $500 goal I had, I thought it would be totally badass (and because I, myself, are badass) to try and raise $666…ya know….in the name of Rock ‘n Roll!! I'm currently about $65 away from reaching that goal (and I would be beyond excited to exceed it). I'd also like to be in the top 3 fundraisers and I'm #4 right now. So I am kindly asking that if you are able and willing to donate towards me raising as much money as I possibly can for Ophelia’s Place, I will be forever thankful for your added support. The money goes directly to them and is used to help change and save the lives of so many.

You can go to my personal fundraising page here.

Also…I celebrated 2 years sober yesterday. GO ME!! 

New Weight Watchers Program...Yay or Nay??

There is one question that everyone keeps asking me…on Twitter, on Instagram, on Facebook, writing letters and mailing them to my house…ok maybe that last part is made up, but my point is that you bitches all want to know

What do I think of the new Weight Watchers SmartPoints program?

 And I have been avoiding your question. Actually I think it’s safe to say that I have been pretending that it’s like the plague and staying away. But I can’t do that forever. I’ve been working on this post for over a month now and I guess I just need to finally answer this damn question.

So what *do* I think of it??

I don’t.

Here’s the thing…I fear change, to a point, but overall I keep an open mind and I’m open to keeping things fresh and accurate. Sure, I was a little reluctant when they made the switch to Points+ and it took some time to get readjusted, but it was still something that I felt fit into my lifestyle.

I have again lost 100+ (107 if we want to get technical here, as I have lost my most weight ever this time around). I lost that because Points+ worked and because I worked the program. I felt that program gave me freedom to choose…good or bad. With SmartPoints, the feeling I get is a bit more constricted, and that doesn’t work for me. Sure we are all hearing that Oprah is eating bread every day and guess what, I’m still having my nightly dessert, but I’m also going over my Point values every day and my weeklies and my Activity Points. See for me, nothing has changed. I am still eating what I ate before, because that has worked for me. So in theory, for me, SmartPoints has done nothing but made me look at negative numbers.

Now this isn’t the case for everyone. Certainly not the case for new members, or members who have been gone for a long time and are just recommitting to the program, or members who still have a larger amount of weight to lose. I am NONE of those things. I have been a member for over 8 years now. I have 15 lbs left to reach my goal weight again. And let’s not forget my role with the company aside of being just a member. For years I lived and breathed and preached Weight Watchers. I am a lifetime member of Weight Watchers…not only as a member but as a face for the company…pretty sure my headstone will have “Weight Watchers Believe Campaign” etched onto it. With all that said, I will admit that it does kind of sadden me that I’m not 100% on board with this new program. I wanted to feel excited and refreshed by this revamping. But I didn’t feel those things. The revamp is nice but nothing I have been wowed by. Again, if I'm being 100% honest I just feel like it's more constricting. And lets not get started on how awful the search function is on the site and the app now...where the f*ck did all my favorite foods go...it's definitely doesn't seem as accessible as it was before. 

I mentioned this on my personal FB page but decided not to talk about it further until I thought about it more. And that was…am I done with Weight Watchers? I don’t know.

I think one of the major things Weight Watchers lack is support for their members who have lost and are trying to maintain their weight and I definitely do not see any improvements for that in the new program. Also, being a member for over 8 years plus being a leader, it’s pretty safe to say that I know the program pretty darn well. I have probably counted Point Values in my sleep a few times. 

I know how to work the program so it works for me. Weight Watchers gave me these amazing tools and I know how to use them. So maybe it’s time to use them on my own.

Since my sobriety my running has become my therapy…my outlet…my release…and I am again training for another marathon which means my days of wanting to eat every and anything are here.   I’ve been trying to focus on WHAT I am eating, not just “ooh crap is this high in Points?!”…avocado toast for breakfast, trail mix for a snack, low fat chocolate milk for post runs….quality food that will keep my body going during this period.

I am still tracking. I am still watching my portion sizes. I am still being mindful not to overindulge too often. I am using all of the wonderful things that Weight Watchers has given me, all by myself.

The first time I lost the 101 lbs I was a meetings member. I loved the meetings and I still believe that they are the company’s most successful format.  This time around I (re)lost 107 lbs by being an online member, due to the craziness of my relationship with the company I found it easier on myself to not attend the meetings. So obviously their online format works as well. And again…it worked because *I* worked the program. So this new program can work for you too, if you chose to work it.

I have many friends who have been tremendously successful with the SmartPoints plan so far. It is very exciting to see. I think if you are someone who overdoses on sweets and artificial snacks then the new program is perfect for you. I just don’t know that it is perfect for me. And if you decide to join and/or stay with the new Beyond The Scale program I truly do wish you the best success and will be cheering you on the entire time!!

I guess what I can say is that I don’t really have any super strong opinions about the new program. I’ve been doing my thing for a long time now and it is working. And I don’t plan on changing that anytime soon.  Whether that means I keep logging into my Weight Watchers account daily or not…who knows….

Half ass'n it

I tend to get lazy…a lot. Sure, I still run 3-4 times a week and I get up and go to work Monday through Friday, but I’ve still been pretty damn lazy over the last few months.  Some days I am absolutely surprised that I even got out of bed.

I’ve been lazy with this blog. This is my first post in how many months?? It’s not that I don’t want to blog. I just don’t want to blog about stupid, meaningless BS so I’d rather just not post at all. I post when inspiration strikes I guess. So maybe my inspiration has been lazy and not me…see…totally not my fault. I mean I still post on FB (my personal) and Instagram a lot but even then I think I could do better and I mean to do better…but then I get lazy and eh.

I’ve been lazy with tracking. I went from tracking literally every.single.day for months to barely tracking one whole day. Now that doesn’t mean that I’m eating like absolute garbage but I think many people know the benefits from tracking and how it can help not only on the scale but also with the mental game that weight loss can bring. When you’ve been a Weight Watcher member for as long as I have tracking is so easy to do…yet I haven’t been doing it. I have even been too lazy to look up the Point+ Values for some of the food I have consumed. Lazy just all around when it comes to the points and tracking. 

I’ve been lazy with exercise. I mean I’m still active. I’ve ran a few half marathons these past few months and this is the most consistent I think I have ever been with my running. Coming back from the stress fracture I got in March has been slow and trying on my patience at times but I am feeling great with my running and starting to see progress again. What I mean when I say I’ve been lazy with exercise is that I haven’t done anything to switch it up. I think I only rode my bike twice this year. My weekly Sunday yoga sessions have namaste’d the hell away from me. I got on the elliptical a couple times though. That counts for something, right??

I feel an overall laziness with people too. Does that make sense??

However my weight loss has been the absolute laziest of them all. I have been living in the same 10 lbs for months now. Up a little here, down a little there, down a lot, up a lot. Up, down, up down. Since June I have lost a total of 4.8 total.  I would lose that in just one week then creep it back up for a couple weeks, then back down, then back up…so on and so on. I can’t seem to break out of these 10 lbs. I’ve been 2-3 lbs away from hitting my 100lbs lost mark for the past couple of months. It’s annoying…it’s irritating…and it’s downright stressful. Sure I still get very kind remarks about how great I look with the weight loss and maybe I am down more in inches (I didn’t keep track of my measurements which was something I regretted not doing the first time I lost 100 lbs so you would think I would’ve done it this time…again my laziness got the best of me) but here’s the thing…you know how people say the number on the scale doesn’t matter, well that’s kind of true and kind of a bunch of bullshit. If you weigh yourself once a week and are in the process of losing weight and trying to get back to your healthy range then the number on the scale absofuckinglutely does matter. It doesn’t matter the most…it’s doesn’t matter a lot…it doesn’t measure anything…but it matters a little. And that little bit can drive us insane.

So obviously my biggest lazy moment over these past few months is because of all the others. Tracking, exercise and being vocal about my ups and downs have always been the things that have made me succeed and continue to lose weight. I know that by getting back into my habits of tracking and such that things will start progressing again. It might not happen in a week or two weeks and I will still have ups and down on the scale, but at least on those hard weeks I can still have the comfort of knowing that I made the right decisions and did all that I could do that week. Some people find Autumn and Winter the hardest for weight loss but I’ve always been the opposite. I’ve always found summer to be difficult for me to stay on track and keep up my habits.  This summer ice cream got the best of me. I mean 98% of the time it was always light ice cream but it was every single night…this week I have to focus on breaking that habit. But pumpkin ice cream is out on shelves now soooo…yeah….

I can sit here and beat myself up for months of forward progress being wasted, but that will accomplish nothing…so here’s to trying to not be so damn lazy anymore.