Tuesday, October 21, 2014

I am Suzi Storm...

So as many of you may (or may not) have noticed the name of this page and this blogs FB page has changed.
I have officially said "goodbye" to OK, Just One More Beer.

It took months of thought and as silly as it sounds, it was sad to say goodbye. But it felt like the right thing to do. I still remember the day I came up with that name...the day I decided to blog...and how it felt like such perfect name...and it was. But it just wasn't right anymore. The name didn't bother me. Seeing the word "beer" didn't trigger anything for me. It just didn't feel right anymore...it didn't feel like me...it didn't fit.

I thought about tweaking it a little but that just felt too long. Or changing it all together but I couldn't think of anything that I liked or sounded like me. I didn't want something cliche or that screamed "GO FITNESS AND HEALTH!!", lol.

I am me...I am Suzi Storm. If you follow me on my personal FB page you know that last week I switched the name from Suzi Storm to my married name. And if you have been following me for long eough you know that Storm is not my madien name.  My name is Suzi but Storm is something I came up with while talking with my husband. It wasn't blog or social media related. I thought it would be badass if my name was Suzi Storm. It kind of became a part of me when I first started my weight loss journey. It became to me what Sasha Fierce is to Beyonce...a side of me that I call upon when I need to kick ass. Some people in real life refer to me as Suzi Storm. That name has even been published in reference to me, lol.

Suzi Storm was here long before OK, Just One More Beer was...and Suzi Storm will be forever. It may seem a bit egotistical but oh well. This fits. This name, Suzi Storm, is not only me but is also a symbol of strength and perseverance. Every one has a storm within themselves...let that storm drive you towards your goals. Become the storm.

XO-Suzi F*cking Storm

P.S. I will have a 1/2 marathon recap post up soon!!

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Oh the 3 0

Just days away from my 31st birthday (October 19th is my birthday…same day as my return to the ½ marathon!!) and of course I can’t help but reflect a bit on my first year in a new decade.
I was not scared or upset to turn 30. Age to me has always been a number, even when I was younger. I always looked older and I sure the hell felt older thanks to all the curve balls life threw me as a child. I even hung out with older people. I never really could relate or connect to many my own age. This even stands today. Hell, I married someone 13 years older than me.

My 20’s were great though. I blogged about them here. But of course, my life has changed in enormous ways in just a year.

 While I was 30 I came to the realization (& accepted) the fact that I had become an alcoholic. I have since quit drinking and as of today I am 8 months sober. This has been by far the BIGGEST change of them all. This change I firmly believe is what has led to all of these other changed, in some way or another.

I've lost almost 60 lbs. Drinking has certainly helped but I can honestly say that it’s not the main reason behind my weight loss. I’m not going to lie…I was super bummed that I wasn’t dropping lbs like it’s hot. But not drinking certainly helped me to make smarter decisions when it came to food. I track every day. I’m on a crazy few months spree with tracking. In all my years of being a Weight Watchers member this is the longest I have gone with consecutive tracking. I knew how to lose weight and drink beer. I did that. I lost 101 lbs while never giving up beer. Giving up beer this time really hasn't made a huge impact on that.

I've started running again! This Sunday is not only my birthday but also my return to the ½ marathon. It will be my first time in a race since 2012. Running has obviously helped me lose these 60 lbs and vice-versa. I've never ran a race at this weight, and believe me I am terrified to see the race photos, LOL…but my drive is stronger than ever. Running has helped to keep me sane and has been a huge influence in my staying sober. I have also met many new friends through running and by running with the folks in the Lake Effect Run Club.

My relationships have changed. Some have been better…some have been strained…some have become non-existent. People come and people go. I have always and will continue to always cherish every relationship, every person that has been brought into my life. As I grow, I will continue to fight for the love and light that I want brought into my life.

I know what I want in life more now than ever…and at the same time I have more questions about life more now than ever. I know what I do and what I do not want in my life.  I am more selfish. I do not have the patience for the negativity of others. I've dealt with a lot of bullshit and I still deal with a lot of bullshit. I do not need to deal with the bullshit of others. Don’t make your problems my problems…I got enough of my own.

This really is a journey. Life is a journey. There are hills and mountains and gravel and pavement. There is fire and wind and water. We are teeny, tiny creatures in this big ass universe just skipping about. And I live my life now trying to be mostly humming and dancing through this journey….and that folks is my Matthew McConaughey portion of this post.

So basically what I am saying, in a nutshell is...I got my shit together when I was 30.

My first year of being a 30 year old was fantastic. I wouldn't change a thing. I can only hope that 31 will be just as awesome.


And I am still younger than BeyoncĂ©. 

Monday, October 6, 2014

Ready or not, here I come...

So the Empire State ½ marathon is 12 days away…and I am kindoftotallysortof freaking out.

http://empirestatemarathon.com/

As usual, I don’t feel as prepared as I should be. But with that being said I am not completely under-trained. Since April/May I have been running consistently but that’s usually just 3-4 miles. I am certainly more trained for 5K’s or 10K’s.  But like everything I do in life…go big or go home!!

I signed up for this race exactly 10 days after I quit drinking. I normally do not do anything longer than a 10K in my area because I find them boring, as I see this scenery all of the time. Especially at the park where this race is because it’s the same place I go to almost every time I go out for a run.  I like to run longer distances in places that are new to me to help distract my mind. It’s easier to run 13 or 26 miles when I’m going “oohh, what’s that?!”  instead of “holy hell I am only to here?!”

But this race is on my birthday this year. That immediately drew my attention because I have always thought it would be fun to run a race on my birthday, because ya know, after racing comes the celebratory beers. I was only 10 days into my sobriety and at that moment I was still not fully admitting that I was indeed an alcoholic and that sobriety would be a lifelong battle. At the time I thought “I wonder if I can make it to my birthday and after the race I can have a celebratory beer!” LOL!! Obviously, being almost 8 months sober now and fully admitting that I had become an alcoholic, I have a different perspective. Now I just hope to NOT have a celebratory alcoholic drink.

So instead of spending my birthday in a bar like I normally would have I will be spending my birthday with a couple thousand people pounding the pavement.

This will also mark my first time getting behind a starting line since the 2012 Utica Boilermaker, which was a pathetic attempt of me pretending I was still an active runner when in reality all I spent my time doing was drinking, eating, and drinking some more. I would sign up for many races between then and now but I would drop out of every single one of them.

I’m not dropping out this time!! While I may not be as physically prepared as I should be I know that I can pull this one out. I have lost over 50 lbs so while yes this will be the heaviest weight I have ever raced at (well mine maybe the first 5K I ever did) I am certainly much better off than I was when I signed up. Sure, the farthest distance I have ran since getting moving again has been 7 miles  but it was a decent, strong 7 miles. Remember when I ran my marathon and my longest run before that had only been 13.2 miles???? Yeah…again…training plans + me just don’t get along.

I know I have the drive, the will, the craving, the desire, the strength inside me to run those 13.1 miles. I know that I have ran 13.1 miles many times before. I know the excitement of being in a race again will start some adrenaline to course through my veins. I know that having some friends out on the course will be motivating me (and also know that if I drop dead and they run by that they can at least identify my body). I know that having my husband…yes, this will be the first time that I can say that my husband, not my boyfriend, is at the finish line, will be waiting for me at the finish line will keep me moving forward.

I’m not doing this race to prove anything to anybody but myself. I know that I will not come even close to any previous ½ marathon times I've hit, and I am OK with that. I am not going out there to try and set any PR’s (but to be completely honest, knowing where my pace is right now & my fitness, I would like to finish at or under a time of 3:30). I am going out there to cross a starting line and a finish line. I don’t care if I stop and walk a bit, because I know that I will. I don’t care if some of my friends finish the marathon in almost the same time (or less) than the ½ because I’m not competing with anyone…but myself. I am here to prove that I can do this again. I am here to prove to myself that I didn't just sign up on a fluke and that I am a runner again. I am here to prove that I do not give up on myself.

The only thing I am worried about mostly is my knee. As many of you know I have had issues with my left knee and got diagnosed with Patellar Tendonitis. I took the rest and medication as the doctor ordered (which was another setback in getting properly prepared for this race) and will take my first running steps today. I don’t plan on running a whole lot between now and race day. Let’s be honest, what’s done is done as far being prepared for the race.  All I can hope for at this point is for my knee to hold up and for no further damage to be created.

My girl Dani has a saying that keeps her going…finish what you started…and that is exactly what I plan to do.