Half ass'n it

I tend to get lazy…a lot. Sure, I still run 3-4 times a week and I get up and go to work Monday through Friday, but I’ve still been pretty damn lazy over the last few months.  Some days I am absolutely surprised that I even got out of bed.

I’ve been lazy with this blog. This is my first post in how many months?? It’s not that I don’t want to blog. I just don’t want to blog about stupid, meaningless BS so I’d rather just not post at all. I post when inspiration strikes I guess. So maybe my inspiration has been lazy and not me…see…totally not my fault. I mean I still post on FB (my personal) and Instagram a lot but even then I think I could do better and I mean to do better…but then I get lazy and eh.

I’ve been lazy with tracking. I went from tracking literally every.single.day for months to barely tracking one whole day. Now that doesn’t mean that I’m eating like absolute garbage but I think many people know the benefits from tracking and how it can help not only on the scale but also with the mental game that weight loss can bring. When you’ve been a Weight Watcher member for as long as I have tracking is so easy to do…yet I haven’t been doing it. I have even been too lazy to look up the Point+ Values for some of the food I have consumed. Lazy just all around when it comes to the points and tracking. 

I’ve been lazy with exercise. I mean I’m still active. I’ve ran a few half marathons these past few months and this is the most consistent I think I have ever been with my running. Coming back from the stress fracture I got in March has been slow and trying on my patience at times but I am feeling great with my running and starting to see progress again. What I mean when I say I’ve been lazy with exercise is that I haven’t done anything to switch it up. I think I only rode my bike twice this year. My weekly Sunday yoga sessions have namaste’d the hell away from me. I got on the elliptical a couple times though. That counts for something, right??

I feel an overall laziness with people too. Does that make sense??

However my weight loss has been the absolute laziest of them all. I have been living in the same 10 lbs for months now. Up a little here, down a little there, down a lot, up a lot. Up, down, up down. Since June I have lost a total of 4.8 total.  I would lose that in just one week then creep it back up for a couple weeks, then back down, then back up…so on and so on. I can’t seem to break out of these 10 lbs. I’ve been 2-3 lbs away from hitting my 100lbs lost mark for the past couple of months. It’s annoying…it’s irritating…and it’s downright stressful. Sure I still get very kind remarks about how great I look with the weight loss and maybe I am down more in inches (I didn’t keep track of my measurements which was something I regretted not doing the first time I lost 100 lbs so you would think I would’ve done it this time…again my laziness got the best of me) but here’s the thing…you know how people say the number on the scale doesn’t matter, well that’s kind of true and kind of a bunch of bullshit. If you weigh yourself once a week and are in the process of losing weight and trying to get back to your healthy range then the number on the scale absofuckinglutely does matter. It doesn’t matter the most…it’s doesn’t matter a lot…it doesn’t measure anything…but it matters a little. And that little bit can drive us insane.

So obviously my biggest lazy moment over these past few months is because of all the others. Tracking, exercise and being vocal about my ups and downs have always been the things that have made me succeed and continue to lose weight. I know that by getting back into my habits of tracking and such that things will start progressing again. It might not happen in a week or two weeks and I will still have ups and down on the scale, but at least on those hard weeks I can still have the comfort of knowing that I made the right decisions and did all that I could do that week. Some people find Autumn and Winter the hardest for weight loss but I’ve always been the opposite. I’ve always found summer to be difficult for me to stay on track and keep up my habits.  This summer ice cream got the best of me. I mean 98% of the time it was always light ice cream but it was every single night…this week I have to focus on breaking that habit. But pumpkin ice cream is out on shelves now soooo…yeah….

I can sit here and beat myself up for months of forward progress being wasted, but that will accomplish nothing…so here’s to trying to not be so damn lazy anymore. 

Crushing on...

1 comment
It's been a little bit since I've posted here. That's not to say that I haven't written anything because I have. I probably have about 8 or so drafts floating between my phone and iPad. But I haven't been able to finish any piece and nothing felt "right"...and then I realized that it's because I felt like I had this need to make every post "abundantly inspiring"...I mean I can only come out as an alcoholic who has regained weight so many times...or I hope so at least. Needless to say, things have felt heavy here on the blog. I'm still active daily on all my other social media sites, but I kinda put the core of my "social" existence to the back burner..

So I'm going to make this a light post...hate it, love it or like it....it is what it is. I'm never going to be that blogger that posts every day. That's just not me. And while I want to publish stuff that hopefully has an impact in some way or another, sometimes you just have to have fun and that's what I'm doing here.

This is just some random stuff I am loving on these days. 
None of these things were given to me by the companies. None of this is sponsored or anything. 

These are some products that I am really digging with the warmer weather *finally* here.

Maybelline Baby Lips Tint....this stuff is GREAT!! Especially in the summer when you don't want to deal with a full on lipstick or heavy gloss. Plus it makes your lips super smooth. 

This Rimmel Matte CC Cream. I don't usually wear a lot of face makeup and in the summertime the last thing I want is a thick, cakey complexion. But some days I need to even my skin out a little, or if I'm going out or something I like a little bit of coverage. Well this stuff is great! Not only is the coverage amazing for a BB cream but it doesn't streak or anything when I sweat. And bonus feature: it has a broad spectrum SPF 15 in it too!! 

I don't wash my hair everyday. In fact I really only wash it when I run, so that would be about 3 days a week. And after a run and a shower the last thing I want to do is stick a blow dryer at my head for 20 minutes (I have pretty thick hair). Very few volumizing products work well enough where I can eliminate a blower dryer, but if I don't get something at my roots my hair hangs in an awful way and I can't stand it. But this stuff....this Garner Fructis Full & Plush Root Amp spray mousse is awesome!! I haven't even blow dried with it yet and I am already hooked!! I just put it into my hair when it's damp, comb it through and leave it be. It gets a little crunchy but once my hair is completely dry I brush it out and voila....instant volume that has literally been lasting for a couple days. 

Here I am at work this week actually wearing all 3 of the products above:


Things I'm doing....

Packing...it's the hubby's & I's 2nd wedding anniversary this Monday and we are going camping for a few days. While the weather is calling for rain, and the area we are camping in has been having some serious flooding, I am trying to stay positive and I am *really* looking forward to this trip!!

Running...I ran the Paiges Butterfly 5K 2 weekends ago and I was so happy to be back at that race. I finished in 33:31 which meant I beat a time I was trying to go for. It was my first race back since my stress fracture back in March. Thanks to my awesome friend, Ellen Brunet, for taking this great action shot of me! 

Things I'm eating...
OK, so this one is what I plan to eat but whatever...Have you seen this?! I just recently heard of Halo Top. There are only 2 flavors in our area but I am excited to try this. The ENTIRE PINT is only 10P+!!!!!!! 

I am OBSESSED with this new restaurant by me called CORE. Everything is made from scratch. It's healthy, delicious and so satisfying. I have yet to try something and not like it. I would eat there every.single.day if I could afford it. 

So that's it...random crap that I am crushing on lately. 
Anything you're in love with lately that we should know about?

The Art of (re)losing...

There are some things that are hard to put into words. I don’t know how many times I’ve tried to type this post. I’ve thought about doing it in a video post but then it would just be me asking you to watch me babble on and on. Or what would probably happen is that I would have total mental time out and just stare weirdly into my iPad camera for like 5 minutes. That would be cool, no?

I do not say I am losing weight…I say (re)losing. Now some have deciphered this into me thinking it’s not as important or significant as the first (well technically 2nd) time around. However that could not be farther from the truth.

If anything, it is MORE significant to me. That’s why I've given it its own term…(re)losing.

See, it’s not like I lost 101 lbs 10 years ago. I didn’t give up Weight Watchers and decide to come back. I never left!! I have been an active member the entire time…yes, even as I was gaining 130 lbs back. Sure, I wasn’t doing shit with the plan, but I was in and out of meetings and I was randomly tracking. Trying…half assed, but trying to get back on program and get my shit together.

My big 101 lbs and then 130 lb gain all happened very quickly. The loss/gain/loss has all been within these past 5 years. I cannot forget about those 101 lbs I lost. I couldn’t “start new”…you cannot lose and regain that amount of weight in such a short period of time and expect to wipe the slate clean. Especially when I had so much happen to me and my story of losing the weight. It was only 4 years ago that I was shooting the commercial’s and campaign for Weight Watchers.

I can’t erase or forget those 101 lbs. They matter. They are part of me because they helped to shape me into who I am today…into what I do with this blog and what I’ve done with sharing my story and what I continue to put out there to hopefully inspire others.
Taken exactly 1 year apart...April 2014 & April 2015

These pounds lost now are smarter…they are wiser…they are not naïve…they are not there purely for vanity…they are not there for acceptance.  They have given me knowledge that I thought I knew before and have taught me things I didn’t even think I had to know.

(Re)losing is kind of a contradiction at the same time though. The biggest part of (re)losing is letting go of the past. Letting go of where you were and accepting where you are right now. It’s not focusing so much on where you want to be (which ideally is right back where you were) but where you are at that moment and how to make the next moment better.

Letting go and forgetting are two different things though. I can let go of those 101 lbs but I can never forget them. I never not have them be part of my story. Jesus Christ my story in a New York Time’s Bestselling book. I hit my goal…I am a Weight Watchers Lifetime member. That will never change.

Now if I had done all of this 10-15 years ago, maybe I would have a different approach. But this is how I have learned to forgive myself and move on to (re)losing. Forgiveness is one of the biggest parts in the art of (re)losing. Forgiving myself for all abuse I put myself through, both mentally and physically. I did what I did. It happens. It happened! I can’t change it. I can’t undo it. All I can do is say “well, that fucking sucks but it’s time to move on now.” And that’s what I did.

That’s what I continue to do every day. It’s a fight. It’s not easy. I’m in this for the long haul. I will never say that I will “never be that girl again” or “never regain the weight”…but every day I will continue to fight for this body that I have worked hard for. Every day I will continue to make choices that I feel are the best for me at that time. This is not a diet. The choices I am making today have to be no different than the choices I will make a month or a year from now. Why get so angry over “accidentally” eating a pint of ice cream that you sabotage yourself for the rest of the week?! It’s not worth it. It’s going to happen. 

These are not mistakes…they are not cheat days or cheat meal…they are choices. Good choices, alright choices and bad choices.  Not every day is going to be filled with 100% good choices and if it did, well life would suck big time. The scale is always going to go up and down and up and down. It doesn’t matter if you are at goal weight or if you are just beginning your own weight loss journey…we are all a solider in the war against unwanted pounds. You don’t hit a # on the scale or get your WW Lifetime card and POOF…you can go back to eating like you did before. If you can’t live with the food choices you are making today, then you will never be able to live with them a year from now. 

And while I will never say that I am “glad” that I regained all of the weight, I am thankful for what regaining the weight has taught me. Things this time around have been different. I care less about #’s and more about how I feel and how I like what I see in the mirror. It’s ok to be a little vain sometimes…it’s healthy and I think that keeps me more on track than anything else really. I don’t obsess about going over my daily or weekly points. I’m not going crazy to make sure I get all my exercise in. It is what it is. As long as I am trying each day to make the best, healthy choices that I can then I think I am doing all right. And 90 lbs (re)lost later…I think I can comfortably say that for right now I am in control and I don't feel like I am going to lose that anytime soon. 
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