Why do you run??
To lose weight? To maintain your weight? To have some “me” time? To prove something? To “be a runner”? To think about the days events? To clear your mind?
To free your mind?
Since I have stopped running I have noticed a MAJOR downfall in my mental health state. And it’s not just the pity party I throw every now and then for myself because of the weight gain….
This may come as a shock to some of you…but I’m not perfect.
I know. I am so sorry.
We have all done things or made choices that we are not happy about….I hate and try to never use the word “regret”, but sometimes we step too far outside ourselves and well, our decisions get engraved into our souls. I’m not perfect and I have admitted that I am not when the question has risen inside myself.
But there is still something in us…we wish we did this. We wish we did that. We wish that DIDN’T happen.
I used to deal with all of these emotions through running.
I ran for those I love.
I ran for my “sins”.
I ran for my strength, which grew with every step, every breathe, every finish line.
I ran because it let me prove that I was strong.
I ran because, next to having sex with my husband, it was the closest I got to getting off.
I haven’t ran in months.
Right now I just want to run for myself.
But I can’t seem to.
Can I run for myself?? C’mon….I was ALWAYS running for myself…these emotions were just part of it. But something has changed. When I started running years ago I didn’t have all of the experiences and triumphs that I have had over the last 2 years in my belt. And I think I use those blessings against me…constantly comparing….constantly wishing I never stopped running in the first place.
Truth is….I’m scared. I’m scared to run again. I’m scared to run into my emotions. I’m scared to run into myself. I’m scared of starting and quitting.
But I know I will run again.
You never just “run”…
What do YOU run for??