So let me just say that I am writing this post with my “runner self” in the drivers seat…even though that part of myself has been in the back seat this past year.
Why do you run??
To lose weight? To maintain your weight? To have some “me” time? To prove
something? To “be a runner”? To think about the days events? To clear your mind?
To free your mind?
Since I have stopped running I have noticed a MAJOR downfall in my mental
health state. And it’s not just the pity party I throw every now and then for
myself because of the weight gain….
This may come as a shock to some of you…but I’m not perfect.
I know. I am so sorry.
We have all done things or made choices that we are not happy about….I hate
and try to never use the word “regret”, but sometimes we step too far outside
ourselves and well, our decisions get engraved into our souls. I’m not perfect
and I have admitted that I am not when the question has risen inside myself.
But there is still something in us…we wish we did this. We wish we did that.
We wish that DIDN’T happen.
I used to deal with all of these emotions through running.
I ran for those I love.
I ran for my “sins”.
I ran for my strength, which grew with every step, every breathe, every
I ran because it let me prove that I was strong.
I ran because, next to having sex with my husband, it was the closest I got
to getting off.
I haven’t ran in months.
Right now I just want to run for myself.
But I can’t seem to.
Can I run for myself?? C’mon….I was ALWAYS running for myself…these emotions
were just part of it. But something has changed. When I started running years
ago I didn’t have all of the experiences and triumphs that I have had over the
last 2 years in my belt. And I think I use those blessings against me…constantly
comparing….constantly wishing I never stopped running in the first place.
Truth is….I’m scared. I’m scared to run again. I’m scared to run into my
emotions. I’m scared to run into myself. I’m scared of starting and quitting.
But I know I will run again.
You never just “run”…
What do YOU run for??
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