I am just going to start this post and pretend like it hasn’t been ages since I last posted. OK….so lets get back into the swing of things, shall we….
A conversation took place a few weeks ago on the world wide web about the importance of tracking and what we should track. As a Weight Watcher member, I know that tracking my food intake (and Points+ values) are most important, along with my exercise and checking off my good healthy guidelines (water intake, veggies, fruit, etc..). Some people track their measurements. Some people track how hungry they felt when they chose to eat or after they have finished a meal.
And some of track what a lot of call NSV’s (non-scale victories). I know that I did that a lot! The first time I could fully cross my legs, my first 5K, first time I could wrap a towel fully around my body. I remember having these moments and feeling pure joy. Usually I relayed my pure joy all over the internets so it would be a moment that would live on forever (I mean, what else is the internet for other than our own personal time capsules right?!).
Problem is, these feelings of excitement and victory never really last long. They were usually placed with a new negative thought about something I haven't accomplished or something I couldn’t do yet.
Now, having gained my weight back (120 lbs to exact) I LONG for these feelings back!! It’s these feelings and I wish I felt that constantly throw me off course and cause me to throw in the towel that day, and the next day, and the day after that, and then next week, next month….so on and so on.
During the conversation that was happening I said that I wish I had kept a log as I was losing weight, specially in the beginning of my journey about the feelings I felt that I HATED! The feelings I felt that I LOATHED! The feelings I felt that I wanted to change.
So here they are…
- Walking up the stores and not being out of breath
- Changing the kitty litter boxes and not have to stop because I think I’m having a heart attack
- Being able to cross my legs
- Not having to shop in the “plus size” section (I mean plus size, not size 12 or 16)
- Sitting on the couch and not immediately throwing a pillow over my stomach
- Having my picture taken
- Constantly feeling that I might be having a heart attack
- Not being on medication for BP and anxiety
- I miss wearing shorts and feeling comfortable in them
- I miss wearing my favorite outfit….a pair of skinny jeans and a slim black sweater
- I miss feeling comfortable naked
- I miss feeling sexy
- Caring about my appearance
- Having decent clothes to wear
- Carrying in the groceries without breaking into a sweat
- Wanting to go out
- Not afraid of being seen in public by people I know
- Wrapping a towel around my body
- Not worrying if I will fit comfortably in a chair or not
- Being able to reach for things without feeling like I’m straining
- Tying my shoes without cutting off my air supply
- Not having to put powder and creams on certain places
- I miss having energy & not being tired ALL.THE.TIME.
- Not get out of breath and get sore muscles taking a shower and shaving my legs
- Being able to wear all the cute high heels I have
- Miss wearing bracelets that actually fit my wrist
- Just feeling comfortable in general
There are more feelings I am sure. But these are just a few of the feelings I feel on a daily basis. And as you can tell I am fighting a pretty nasty beast daily. But I know that I am not alone. I am not the only one who is feeling these feelings. I know that the only way to beat these feelings, or achieve them, is to get my shit together and stick with it!!
Maybe by experiencing these victories before and now knowing how much they really meant to me (mentally & physically) it can make the journey this time stick! It will always be a battle. It will never be “done”. It is a marathon, not a sprint…and this time, I got a backpack on my back that is filled with the tools I need to get me where I want to be!
P.S. After many years I have finally gone and done it…I created a Facebook page for the blog. Please feel free to ‘Like’ the page here: https://www.facebook.com/okjustonemorebeer