I vow…

22 comments

This will be my very last post as a “Single lady”. Soon I will be marrying my best friend, and the best man I’ve ever known (aside from maybe my grandfather).

Everyone keeps asking me if I’m nervous….about getting married?? Honestly, no. I’m more nervous about getting everything done in time since this wedding is pretty much 100% DIY. Also, money, since this wedding is pretty much funded 100% ourselves. But those things are trivial in what the day actual means and will bring.

It will bring love. Love to celebrate with our closest friends and family. Our wedding is not for show.  I never need the show. I never needed the piece of paper. But he wants to give me that and I am gladly accepting. We’ve put a lot of thought and effort into making the day about us and our love and hopefully it reflects out into the day.

Now for the thing I am most nervous about….feeling beautiful on my wedding day. I won’t lie…it’s been a LONG time since I felt beautiful. But I’ve been working on the past few months. Not by losing any weight or anything but just by trying to build my confidence and self love.

I will be getting married at my heaviest weight ever. There will be eyes on me all day. There will be photos taken (very expensive ones at that) to document what is going to be the most memorable day in my life. At my heaviest weight.

And then I think to myself….

Frankie is marrying me….at my heaviest weight.
Frankie loves me….at my heaviest weight.

And that my friends, makes me feel beautiful. And those truths are what will make me shine on my wedding day. Because I am marrying the man I love and he loves me, any way I am.

Now the way I am….a side from getting marries…not happy.

Rewind….lose 101 lbs, go to NY do WW shoot, go to Chicago do Oprah, run a marathon, go to LA to shoot WW commercials, interview to be in David Kirchhoff’s book, get engaged….

Now….getting married. And during that whole time of event, after event, after event, the 101 (plus a little extra) pounds have made their way back to me.

No ones fault but my own. You know the saying “it’s your choice” which is 100% true, but sometimes when you are making bad choice after bad choice you don’t realize just how lost you’ve become. Sometimes when you fall so deep in a hole the choice no longer “feels” like your own.

I should’ve caught my weight gain at Frank’s proposal of marriage. And I did try. I always try. I’ve never stopped trying. I just didn’t succeed at it.

But for the first time in about 3 years, I feel like I can focus on *ME* again. I don’t need to worry about turning in any weight #’s to anybody, or making sure I look healthy and fit for events. For the first time in a long time, I can get back to doing losing weight without the feeling of pressure from any outside sources.

I know I am not happy with myself and I know that I am the only one who can change that. I know how to change it and I finally feel like I can focus on changing it.

So what does that mean for this blog?? I honestly don’t know. I see comments like this:

TheInternets

And they melt my heart. I love my readers. I love the support. And I do love the blog. But I don’t know if I will be blogging about my journey this time. I honestly haven’t decided. I don’t know if the blog will go on a temporary hold, or if I will just randomly blog about other stuff. The same situation kind of goes for all other Social Media.  I feel like all I see now a days are tweets for ad’s or blog posts with giveaways. Everyone is apparently a health coach and is an advertising executive. I might pull back from there for a little while too.

So this isn’t really a goodbye. It’s more of a “see ya around’. I never was an every day blogger anyway. But we’ll see where the journey this time takes me….

I’m off to get married!! XOXO

22 comments:

  1. I can't wait to be there to see you looking GORGEOUS on Saturday!! xoxo

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  2. Hurray ! Have a fabulous wedding.

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  3. Have a wonderful wedding to you best friend!

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  4. Have a wonderful wedding to you best friend!

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  5. Isn't love just amazing? Tom married me at my highest weight. Infact, I was more than 100 pounds bigger than when I married my first husband. The important thing is that you're happy and will be his wife. It doesn't matter what you look like.

    As far as the blogging, I know the feeling. Like I've said before it feels good to not have to worry about blogging. Do what you gotta do!

    I'm sure we will all still love whatever you decide to do! Looking forward to seeing you look beautiful in your wedding photos on FB!

    <3

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  6. Congratulations from NZ Suzi. My marriage is hitting 20 years early in 2014, and the love has been there over a 100lb range, which fluctuates regularly. You've got it right, it's about the love, not the weight. Kia Kaha (Maori words which translate to stay strong). ♡

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  7. You area beautiful soul and I hope your wedding is amazing. This saying always sticks in my head when I think about outer beauty or more out perception of outer beauty - beauty fades, dumb is forever.
    I hope you share pictures with us, have an amazing day.

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  8. Wishing you and Frankie all the best on life's next journey! Congratulations!

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  9. Enjoy one of the best days of your life, it will fly by so try to spend as much time in the moment as you can. x

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  10. <3

    You are gorgeous, inside and out. Right now!! Thank you for sharing. Have the best time!!! See you on FB and wherever else we cross paths! xoxo

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  11. Congratulations on your wedding! I have to plan mine. I've been trying to motivate the weight loss so that at least I might be thinner on the actually day, but you are completely right. It doesn't matter. My fiancé loves me no matter what weight I am just as Frank loves you. Yay for weddings and love!!!

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  12. You are and always will be beautiful to Frankie - best wishes for an awesome day and may those wishes carry forward into your married life, forever.

    Stay happy, look after your heart....the rest will fall into place

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  13. I totally get every word you are saying, girl. Well, except the getting engaged and married part... not even close to that being a part of my life!... but the pressure you felt with all those amazing things happening to you, and not being sure if you want to be so involved in all the social media and blogging world. Maybe things were better when we weren't so "out there"... but then I miss it! And I will miss you not being around so much! But hell, I am on and off all the time too! Anyway, the happiest thing here is the getting married to someone who loves you for you!!! And I know you will find your way to where you need to be. CONGRATS! HAVE A GREAT WEDDING DAY!!! AND YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!!

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  14. Congrats congrats congrats! Cherish every moment!

    We really do miss you :)

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  15. Wishing you and Frankie the happiest of wedding days!!! This was a very touching post... My hubby has loved me unconditionally at every weight I've been in our 14 years together. It's always been ME who has struggled with how I look, feel, etc... The important thing is to do what is best for you how you want to do it. Social media or not, I'll be cheering you on. I can't wait to see pictures from your day, of you - the beautiful bride!! Congrats!

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  16. Congratulations to you! Wishing you a beautiful day filled with joy and happiness. It can sometimes be hard for us to believe our spouse/partner loves us as we are, especially when we struggle with self image. But it sounds like you got yourself a good man. And he got a good lady!

    Best of luck with your journey. We really will miss your posts, but you gotta put you first (I left you the Internets comment by the way). Thanks for keeping the weight loss journey real!

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  17. Congrats! You will look beautiful no matter what!

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  18. Just saw some of the photos & I'm super jealous Dani was there! You look beautiful, you are beautiful, and I so hope you & Frank are happy together! Congrats!

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  19. Congratulations to u and The Frank. Screw em all. Beautiful comes in all sizes.

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  20. Congrats!!!! hope you post some wedding pictures... here or on Instagram :)

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  21. yes..Suzi...enjoy your day...celebrate YOU! and that special love you have...I, myself, went through such a similar experience when I got married 2 years ago to my best friend! (ruby red shoes included) the happiest day of my life filled with the flip side of how I felt about me. It was the week after the wedding that I started treatment for my binge eating and other things. Tuesday I celebrate my 2 year anniversary and while my weight is just 6 lbs under my heaviest -- I am the most comfortable I have ever been!

    So yes...I hope to see you around ...sharing or not sharing whatever parts of you

    congratulations!

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  22. Wishing you and Frankie all the best! It truly is one of the best things in he world to be loved unconditionally. I'm lucky that my husband does.
    I just looked at some of the wedding pictures and you were so beautiful. Absolutely gorgeous.Congratulations to both of you!

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