Life in the long, fast lane…

SUE-prize…I am still alive.  I am sorry for those of you who follow my blog by mistake. For the rest of you….YAY!! Right?!

I don’t know how many of you have noticed my blog represents unicorns….daises….nothing but HAPPY times!!


Oops….wrong blog.

You all know me by now.  I don’t aim to please any one.  I’m not aiming for any status or any ones approval. This is me…all me. I recite the ups and the downs.

No one is perfect. Me, 10’ tall on a Weight Watcher poster….while I must say looks pretty effin’ perfect…it’s not. (I’m normally not that tan but I had trained all summer & was in LA at the time so Eh??)

Perfect is slipping up….

Perfect is admitting you have done wrong…

But that you want better and you won’t give up until you get it….no matter how many tries it takes…
As you can see I survived the Boilermaker.

It was my worst race to date. I ran 9.30 miles in 2:09:33….I have normally ran 1/2 marathons in that time. Last year I ran the Boilermaker in 1:30.

But…that’s not me….not right now.  WAIT!!….That *is* me….it’s just not where I am at this very minute.
I had one goal….CROSS THE FINISH LINE!! Because I backed out of this race SO many times in my head. But *this* time I told myself….

SO I RAN…AND I RAN (and I walked)….AND I RAN (and I walked)…..FIGHT FOR WHAT YOU WANT

I won’t lie and say that the race “changed” me completely…or got me back into my game 100%….actually I hated it afterwards and was depressed.

But this race was bigger than me. It made me think. Then all of a sudden….Weight Watcher Commercials starting airing again….

And there I found myself. That is *ME* mememememememe!!

I may not be exactly physically and mentally where I was when I shot them, but by fucking god….that is ME!! I still have that in me.  Every one who has mentioned seeing me…and for the first time….I saw it….and wow.

I love it….not because of how I look, or what we say….but because we are LIVING PROOF!! So….I’ve gained some weight back. I haven’t given up. It’s not Weight Watchers fault….its my fault for giving up on myself. Which I needed to do for a little bit, because I’m a people pleaser. Well….
I’ve pleased enough people….back to pleasing myself (HEYO!!!!!).

First step(S):528061_332163490200778_1203034477_n

Pain is temporary…Pride is forever!!!!!!!!

I had a choice that day….go hard…..or home.

I chose to go hard. Though I haven’t gone hard in a long, LONG while. But I DID IT!! AND I FUCKING DID IT HAAAAARD!!!! Like super, supreme orgasm hard.

Not every person falls into their “perfect” weight and stays there forever. That doesn’t mean they gain it all back, or that they fail.

Some do hit their target and stay there….and god fucking bless them. I thought that was me. I really *really* did. But I’ve got bigger demon’s to fight. And here come the confessions:

I’ve talked about depression here…blah. blah, blah…ever overweight person has depression. I’m just another. Yet…mine was critical. I tried to kill myself more times than I can count (sorry mom). I took tests, mental and physical. Come to find out…I’m naturally crazy!! HA!! I have a very, very low serotonin level. SO all those years of me trying to slit my wrists the wrong way had a reason to the rhyme. I'm proud to say I no longer want to dabble with death, but I still have my bouts of depression for sure.

I grew up having to deal with being sexually assaulted/abused for a bit…but I don’t let that define me NOW. But it has….and it’s still in the back of my mind at times. But I can’t let it define me. That doesn’t define my SeXAY!!!!

My father….my life…my hero…..the man who caused me the most pain in my life…..died when I was just 10….and it took my breathe away. I was so young, yet I felt my life stop. Yet….he was the worst person I have had in my life to date.

Oh wait….Did I mention how I went back to Weight Watchers in 2009 but then my mom had to undergo EXTEREME Brain surgery. Yeah…1/2 her skull replaced….my rock…..having to do that….HA!! This is a joke right?!

These are thing I deal with….they are not weight related. The scale can not measure them.

They don’t make me special….they just show that this isn’t an A to Z fix.

But something taught me that I was better. Something taught me that no matter what I could over come it all. Something taught me that even if I don’t track this week, or the next week, or the week after that….it will ALWAYS be there for me when I am ready….

Even when I fall…And even as a Weight Watchers “Spokesperson” I will fall… Even the ones right who are ON TOP OF THEIR GAME….I love you…but you too will cross a tough bridge….we all do.

This is life. We fall, We get up. Over and Over and Over and Over again…

You only fail when you stop trying.


  1. **reaches thru monitor and hugs**

  2. "We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons."

    It's not the fall that matters. It's how you get back up with that look in your eye and a burning in your core that says - "go ahead motherf*cker, try to knock me down again!"

  3. You are so strong - strong for writing about your past, strong for writing about your present, strong for getting out there and running, strong for not giving up. You are an inspirational person because you are REAL, you are not just a WW poster, but a real live living person that struggles and doesn't give up. You are amazing RIGHT NOW.

  4. Never giving up is proof that you are a success story. xoxo struggle is the name of my game as well...and I have stayed away from blogging because I didn't want to changed my mind, thank you. :)

  5. You inspire me with every post! I made lifetime in 2004 and regained three times before I finally realized that I needed to keep going to WW meetings forever in order to stay in my zone (and that doesn't mean it won't happen again!). I even took a part-time receptionist gig to help me stay focused and motivated.

    Hugs to you, Suzi, you're amazing and you've got so much more to give, do, love, and live!!!

  6. Its the ups and downs that make your journey and sharing of it --inspiring. Congrats on powering your way through the race!

    BTW...found out a year ago that dairy was the biggest reason my serotonin levels were so low. Feel free to contact me if you want anymore information on that issue.

    Thank you for sharing and being you!!

  7. It is our struggles that make us real. I struggled a year after becoming a Leader. I figured it out. I got pregnant, and had to lose the weight AGAIN after having my daughter (while still Leading). I've had to figure out who I am - all while helping others. This is not an easy road. But it's the right one. LOVE YOU!

  8. Hugs! I know your issues are your own but I know you can get back to where you want to be again!

    I have to ask, will you be getting the ActivityLink??? I'm stalking all the WW'ers I follow because it was test marketed at our location and everyone raves about it. I figured it would help you get back on track.

  9. I love the raw honesty of this post... We're there for you girl. And you are SO strong!


  10. Reading your blog is what keeps me on track. You for real are one of my heros. Thank you for being you.

  11. you are the reason i am back on track and went back to my meeting after 3 months. you are truly an inspiration.

  12. Suzi you're just a legend. Thank you as always for being so honest.

    I hope you keep blogging - I missed your updates!
    Christina x

  13. Suzi, I love your blog and even more than that your honesty! You are an inspiration and you discuss your struggles that most of us have. Keep it real!!!


  14. Oooo I am glad I found your blog. I think I love you. :)
    We are the same height and I went from 132 lbs to umm...242 since 2000. Oh my fucking god. So now I am working my ass off (literally) trying to fix it. So..I see your journey in mine..and I love vodka, hands down.

  15. I lost 88 lbs and ran my first half marathon in May. I am up 15 lbs since then. I am running my next one in 6 weeks and just am not feeling it. I haven't trained hard. You just gaveme the kick I needed.

  16. Glad you ran the race, and found your running mojo again! Running can be so helpful for so many things (including depression), so hopefully once you are back at it again, you'll feel great! Good luck and keep up the good work! It's knowing that we have weaknesses that keep us strong!

  17. I have gained a lot while reading your blog. I will definitely share this information with my friends.
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  18. Excellent. You inspire me with every post! I made lifetime in 2004 and regained three times before I finally realized that I needed to keep going to WW meetings forever in order to stay in my zone (and that doesn't mean it won't happen again!). I even took a part-time receptionist gig to help me stay focused and motivated.

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