I’ve been 10 lbs or so lbs over my goal weight…I’m almost 30 lbs from my NYC shoot….
The #’s are nothing to me. It’s how I feel.
And I feel like fucking shit!!
I remember when maintenance was such a light…such a joy!! I had made it!! This was my time to live…in my new body…my new soul…my new ME!!
ENJOY IT NOW!! Because I am sorry but one thing I learned…a year in WW maintenance is NOTHING!! I was on cloud 9 too, taking TONS of pictures, GLOATING about how GREAT I felt…it gets old…it gets common…this is the real situation…the stigma wears off…
I thought I had the system beat…people who lose weight and regain it. I thought, given EVERYTHING amazing that has happened to me, that I beat the fall back…
You don’t know….you just don’t know…
I’m so lost.
I don’t regret or want to take back ANYTHING I have done for WW…everytime someone writes, tweets, FB, ANYTHING about seeing me in a WW ad, I get giddy and excited!! I could NOT be more proud!!
THAT’S MY LIFE!! I LOVE AND LIVE WEIGHT WATCHERS!!
But people struggle….
more than a pound or two….
pressure…its hard. I feel I need to be perfect for you guys, even though I’ve never fucking been perfect.
- rock bottom
- not good enough
- not worthy
- not sexy
- not beautiful
I don’t like this…I don’t like these feelings…and while I like angry…I like it at everyone but myself. I can always help everyone else, but I can never seem to help myself. Maybe I need to step in…again…
**Edit: Thank you so much to every one for their kind words. You have no idea how much it means to me to have all of your support, and knowing that I'm not alone. I woke up wondering if I should take this post down, but I've never done that before and I don't intend to start now. Writing this was helpful for me. And while it's painful to read over, it's made me realize that I have to be more honest with myself and that I need to take care of *me*. I didn't gain 101 lbs back...I didn't gain half of that back...I gained a little, and I've learned A LOT. I know what I need to do to get back to my goal weight and most importantly, I know what I need to do to feel like my happy, beautiful self again. XOXO