I have ALL the answers…

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to all of YOUR questions!!

I think it’s time I try my hand again at doing a little vloggy vlog on this bloggy blog (yes…that did just happen. Deal with it.)

However, I have no freaking clue what to talk about, or why you would want to see my face, but I thought it would be a cool idea to maybe answer any of YOUR questions!!

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So it’s pretty simple…From today until, oh I don’t know maybe Saturday night or Sunday morning, send me ANY questions that you have that you would like me to answer via vlog (that’s a sweet name… Via Vlog).  You can put them in the comments forum or hit me up via email: SuziStorm@gmail.com or DM me on Twiter @SuziStorm.

They can be about running, weight loss, beer, what kind of shampoo I use, how often I wash my cats, my favorite curse word...what *you*, my fabulous reader, wants to know!! 

If I get no questions…well, you lucky readers get no vlog Smile.  But you know…I do have all the answers so I guess that would be your loss….

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White Lies

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Sometimes we tend to tell ourselves “little white lies” in order to either A.)  feel better about ourselves or a particular situation or B.) to get us “off the hook”. 

Well here are some little white lies that are OK to say to yourself SOMETIMES….

(please use with caution…and if they don’t work, you can’t blame me)

  • It’s a Friday…I think it’s illegal to workout on Fridays in this state.
  • My dog ate my gym clothes.
  • I think I’m building too much muscle.
  • This cheese cost like $3…I can’t let it go to waste or get moldy!!
  • I think I’m building too much muscle, I better take a few days off. I don’t want to be the Hulk.
  • There’s a full moon.
  • It’s “that time of the month”…ok this might not be a white lie.
  • Beer is a healthy carb. (this is not a lie)
  • If I dream about running, it’s counts.
  • Confucius says….
  • My body just needs some fattening foods. It’s become immune to vegetables.
  • Weight Watchers says that Points + values are currently not working today…Will resume tomorrow.
  • "But…I ate good all week damnit!!”
  • If this was really SO bad for me, it wouldn’t be a food right?? People don’t eat rat poison!!
  • These jeans are just tight because I’m bloated…I drank too much water.
  • The scale was down last week…I got cushion!
  • My Dr. said to take it easy.
  • I don’t want to do too much, too soon. (OK, this one is true like 98% of the time, but sometimes we abuse its truth)
  • My friends on Twitter and DailyMile said it’s OK for me to take the day off.
  • I’m just too busy to go run. (again…sometimes true, sometimes abused)
  • Because I don’t fucking feel like it!!!!!!!!!!

There are so many more.  But here’s the thing about “white lies”…

They are OK!!  Sometimes, they are even necessary.  They help us to take a break sometimes or just to recharge. As long as we don’t abuse them, they will work for us and not against us.

Starting Over

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Sometimes, it feels like we are repeatedly starting over…

 starting over at weight loss….

 starting over at running…

 starting over in a relationship…

 starting over with a new goal…

 starting over with a new mantra…

 I mean, IF ONLY right?? 

 If ONLY we could just lose those few extra pounds….everything would be better.

 If ONLY we could run those extra miles….everything would be better.

 If ONLY every day was as happy as yesterday…everything would be better.

 Life doesn’t work that way. 

 Most mornings, I wake up feeling like I have to “start over”.  Maybe not at weight loss (101 lbs is a lot to start over) but I feel like my struggle to keep my weight where it is at is a constant “start over” moment. 

 My running lately certainly feels like a HUGE “start over”…2 bad races in a row, poor breathing, hip
problems, endurance struggles…this aint my first fucking rodeo, so why does it feel like it??

 Here’s a little word of advice I think I’ve learned recently….

 If it doesn’t feel like you’re “starting over” then you are not living up to your full potential.  You are half ass’ing it and not giving it all you got.  Or maybe you WERN”T giving it all you got for a while.
Lost 25 lbs and now you’re stuck??  Feel like you’re “starting over”??  Ran a 10K and now you can barely run 3 miles??  Feel like you’re “starting over”?? 

 You are NOT starting over….you are GROWING!!!!

 I wish I could put into words how much I’ve *mentally* grown these past 3 months, but I cant quite yet.

 But please, don’t tell yourself you are starting over…because you are not…you are growing stronger and wiser.  And you don’t ever want to stop doing that do you??

I know what I did last Summer.

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I don’t know about you guys, but every year I love summer more and more!!

I went from being an angst young kid who hid from the sun. I mean seriously hid…carried a parasol, wore jeans and long sleeves all the time (oh the days of goth…GAG!!) Then as I got a little older I started allowing myself to go out for a few hours, but of course I hated my body so the jeans stayed.

Then there is today...where I have to be pried AWAY from the sun!! I *LOVE* summer!!

I love everything about summer…the heat, the sweat that trickles down my back, the smell of the air, the way the beer tastes, the way the food smells, the runs in the sun, the late night bike rides while it’s still light out, the activities you can do with your family, the fun memories you can make for yourself!! I. Love. It. All.

Summer is such a special time for me because it’s a great reminder of how far I’ve come. I never want to be that grouchy bitch who does nothing but sit inside and complain about the heat. I want to be outside, playing, laughing, and loving in the sun!! (side note: if you are going to do some “loving” in the sun…bring bug spray. For the love of god, BRING BUG SPRAY!!)

Some of you may remember but for the first time in YEARS I bought a bathing suit about 2 months ago...


Please excuse the paleness, this was taken a couple months ago in my gyms locker room. I have yet to wear it anywheres but the gym, but I hope to hit the beach soon!!

Here I am celebrating my VERY hot run yesterday with a VERY cold beer (that’s ice, not a poor pour by moi)….


SUMMER…BRING IT ON!!!

What do you love most about summer??

It's not my time

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Sometimes, no matter how badly you want something, it just isn’t your time.

And when it is *YOU* that has to come to that realization, it can be very, very difficult.

This is something I have been thinking about for weeks (OK, well over a month really) and it was something that only I could decide for myself.

I have decided that is it not my time to become a Weight Watcher leader.

Why you ask??

Because it is my personal belief that if your heart & mind are not 100% connected, then why do it??

I became a Lifetime Weight Watcher on December 23rd 2010. Nothing but a week later, I was hired to be an employee, followed by doing a Success Story shoot for Weight Watchers, followed by going to Oprah, followed by newspaper appearances and such. All the while, trying to train for my job as a Leader…work on my running…work my full time job…take care of my house…take care of my family…take care of myself.

I haven’t had time to just BE.

Be Suzi…be a Weight Watcher lifetime member…be a runner…be just a normal girl who is trying to learn about the new body she has made for herself.

I'm not saying I have this crazy, glamous, rock star life because I really do not.  But when you go from an obese chick who never liked to leave her house & go out in public, to where I am today...it can be a lot to take in.  Again as I have said before, not that I am not grateful for all these experiences.  I mean, they are AMAZING and I look forward to hopefully more to come.

Do I want to inspire others?? OF COURSE!! Hell, that’s what I try to do everyday, especially here on this blog. Really, it’s the only reason I *do* blog. But sometimes I feel so mentally exhausted that my desire to go and inspire people on a weekly basis is just not stimulating to me right now. And that’s not fair to my fellow staff or especially to the amazing members walking through that door each week.

This is a really hard decision for me, because I really do want to be a leader so badly. But I have to be honest about how I feel right now. I need to take some time out to inspire *myself* for a little while.

So, that is what I hope to do this summer….work on my running and training for the full marathon in October. October is also when I will reach my 10 month’s at Lifetime and as long as I keep weighing at goal (knock on wood), I get another little celebration key!! Spend this summer actually LOVING my body instead of hiding it from the sunshine & world…learning to be more comfortable in my own skin.

I will revisit the leader role around mid-fall/winter and see how I feel. There is no need to rush any of this, as my amazing bosses have reassured me.  I just need to be honest with myself, and I truly do believe that right now at this very moment, this position is not for me....yet.

In the meantime I’m just looking forward to being me, without so much pressure.

What I ate yesterday

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Breakfast- 0% Lemon Chobani Greek Yogurt, 1 cup of coffee, ½ of my Sigg water bottle

Lunch- ½ of a garden salad w/ light ranch (wasn’t a fan of the salad), 1 hot dog & 1 coney (both on regular hot dog buns), a ziplock bag of Artesian Chipolte tortilla chips, 1 Bud 55

Mid day- Two Diet Pepsi’s

Dinner- A spicy Chicken sandwich w/ cheese, value size fry & ceaser side salad all from Wendy’s.

Later that night- The rest of the tortilla chips

Beer consumed that night- 6 HopDevil’s & 3 Michelob Ultras

Exercise- None, unless you count sex


Yeah…this seems to be the same steady pattern for my entire week, oh hell who am I kidding, 2 weeks?? 3 weeks??
I don’t need to go into how I feel and wah, wah, waaaah. It’s just time to knock it the fuck off and wise up!


So that’s what I’m going to do. Starting right now…..

More never before seen "before"

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I found some more "before" pictures this morning at work and I thought I would share them.  Sharing the ones yesterday really made me feel better. 

These ones are a bit harder for me though, because I honestly was at my lowest point.  I was miserable to everyone, and I hated myself more than I ever thought I could.

The picture of me in the shorts...Yeah, those were guys shorts in an XXL with an elastic band.  I made myself buy them, but I only wore them that one day and only for the time we went "walking" to try and find a fishing spot.  I felt disgusting in them (you cant get me out of shorts now!...well you can ;) 

These were taken on August 22nd, 2008...approximately one month before I joined Weight Watchers....







And how about a photo from literally today...I feel AMAZING!!!!


Rocking my size SMALL sweater and size 6 pencil skirt baby!!


And to everyone who noticed a key difference in the photos (other than weight of course)...thank you. It was something I had noticed a long time ago too.  I have learned really, REALLY love my smile!! It has become one of my favorite features :D

Why I’d NEVER quit!!

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I can’t thank you all enough for your amazing comments on my last post about my last “race”.  It means the world to me that I know that you all have my back, just like I’ve known in my heart this whole time.

Some of you mentioned things about me not giving up and not quitting…and honestly those things never, ever crossed my mind. 

I WILL NEVER QUIT ON MYSELF!!!!

I will never give up.  I will never throw away ALL of the *hard work* I have put into being this AWESOME individual I call, Suzi Storm Winking smile.  I will never go back to being the depressed, lazy, miserable slob I was before….because who I am today, and who I wish to be tomorrow, is far too amazing.  You can’t buy happiness, but you sure can work towards it. 

I’m writing this post because I came across some “before” pictures, from June 5th of 2008.  I forgot that these even existed.  When I opened them, I got extremely emotional.  It brought it back to that “place”…that deep, dark place where my misery was seeping through my pores.

So before I lose the guts to share them with you all….here they are…some never before seen before pictures….

(Please note, I have edited people out of these photos, such as my stepson, because I do not like the idea of plastering his 12 year old face online) 

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I will never go back to being in place…I just wont allow it.

Because I love being here, being happy, and loving myself above all else…

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Under pressure…

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Having a tough race can be difficult…physically and mentally.


Having TWO tough races in a row can be well…soul crushing.

Lets be honest here, my Buffalo Half Marathon experience was more of a personal let down than a physical one.  I had an amazing PR (12:15!!), and overall the whole event was great.  I learned a lot of things from that race and I know I will feel even stronger going into my next half (coming up in August most likely).

My heart has always kind of belonged to the 5K races.  I love these races and I really don’t know why.  Maybe because they are only 3.12 miles…or maybe because you get to go FAST and don’t have to worry too much about wearing yourself.  Or maybe its just the crowd…a mix of “veteran” runners with newbies.  Either way, I love them.  So you can only imagine how excited I was to go sign up for the Paiges Butterfly Race which happened this past Saturday….MY REVENGE RACE I started to call it. 
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I can ROCK a 5K!! I always have!! NO problem!! NO sweat!!  This race is MINE!!

Only, I quit the race half way through…

On Saturday, for the first time in my life, I quit mid-race.

Friday night was a good night.  I had tracked all day…had a protein/carb filled dinner (grilled bbq chicken breast & salt potatoes)…I kept my beer intake down…got my Generation UCAN shake in that night…foam rolled (that I got that night! I am no longer a foam rolling virgin ;)…things were looking and feeling GREAT!!  I tweeted and got on the Facebookey yelling and screaming “LETS DO THIS!”. 

I woke up Saturday morning feeling the same way…bright and early and ready to run my heart out.  That morning I was listening to my headphones as I was stretching downstairs and I was visualizing myself crossing that finish line.  I was visualizing myself running fast, making a new PR, feeling STRONG and PROUD and DEFIANT!! I was ready…
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I met up with a local friend (our actual first time meeting since talking online for a while) a long with another Daily Mile friend…Shara & Chris (a HUGE congrats to them for their AMAZING race times…I hope we get a “do-over” together some day soon)…
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I was excited and pumped when we got to the starting line.  I didn’t really have a time goal in mind.  I mean, I had ran a 1/2 marathon less than a week before…I just wanted to have a great run.  I guess in my heart though, I was setting myself up for failure before I even officially signed up for the race.
I started out fast…too fast.  Sometimes I like to do this and it works, but I should have known better. 

My legs were not FRESH and neither was my mind.  I was trying to keep up with others without really keeping up with myself.  I kept telling myself to slow down, but then there was another side of me that said if I slowed down I’d be failing myself “just like you did by having to walk a few times in your last race Suzi…you don’t want to do that again do you Suzi….Suzi, dont puss out”!!

Next thing I know…I cant breathe.  I mean I physically cannot breathe!!  And I stopped.

I tried to catch my breath.  I told myself to just get my heart rate back down…things seemed “out of this world” to me…everything around me seemed weird.  I said to myself “I cant believe you just fucking STOPPED AGAIN!!”…if I was the Hulk, I would have turned green and did and Hulk slam right there and then.

I started to run again, only to find the most intense, crazy ass pains under my collar bones and my right breast.  My breathing was worse and the pain was awful. 

This is where things took a life of their own…

There was no “wall”…there was no talking myself out of it….there was no thinking….I just physically stopped, ribbed my bib off my shirt, turned around and started walking back.  It was like an out of body experience.  That’s right….I didn’t even walk to the finish line, I walked ALL the way BACK to where the race started.

I kept telling myself “Suzi, this isn’t your finish line to cross”…but of course, I cried.  I held back as many tears as I could.  I was embarrassed and ashamed as I passed the other runners.  I kept thinking “my god, what if these people recognize me from Oprah, the news, or the recent Newspaper article…I look like a fraud, a failure, a QUITTER!!”  I wouldn’t look anyone in the eye.  I was holding the right side of my chest (since it hurt) and a few officials came up to me to see if I was OK and needed help…I said I was fine and just kept walking.  I didn’t bother to look at them or hesitate.  I kept wishing I knew a faster way to get back and on that didn’t involve me going near the finish line.

I passed a police officer who asked me if I was OK…I said yes and asked if the next street up would take me to where I needed to be…he patted me on the shoulder and said yes.  I don’t know why this simple gesture made me feel better, but it did. He was the first person I looked in the face since I had stopped and turned around.

The time on the clock was around 44 minutes (again, I didn’t cross the finish line, but I could see it) and I normally finish 5K’s around 28…but Frankie and I had a meeting place.  Of course, he wasn’t there cause he was worried and looking for me…but thanks to a nice couple who let me use their cell phone I was able to track him down.  We walked back to the car and all I would say is that I didn’t want to talk about it, and I choked back more tears.  He kept telling me not to be so hard on myself (SO much easier said than done) and how its probably this damn cold of his that I’m catching (part of this is really true…my chest has been very heavy & sinuses have been crazy!  I started getting sick 1/2 marathon weekend)…but I didn’t want to hear any of it.

So that brings me today…I’d be lying if I said I still wasn’t pissed at myself, because I am.  I loved this race last year…it was my first sub 30 5K!!  But at the same time, I don’t really regret not finishing.  I truly believe that the sentence “Suzi, this is not your finish line to cross” is true.

There’s a HUGE lesson here.  Something that I think I’ve know for a while but I haven't really allowed myself to address, and that is….PRESSURE.

Since January I have….done a Weight Watcher photo shoot, done online interviews, went on Oprah, was on my local news, did an interview & photo shoot for my local newspaper, started working for Weight Watchers and have become a leader apprentice, and have become a sponsored runner….

Not even 2 years ago I was a 252 pound woman who wouldn’t move away from her couch, her chips or her beer (ok…you still cant get me away from the beer, but whatever)…I couldn’t even run for 10 seconds straight!!

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel pressure…pressure on myself, and pressure from others.  I *never* want to let others down, and when you feel like a good portion of the world is looking at you, that’s A LOT to live up to.  I know I’m not famous and I know that there arent THAT many people…but you get my point.  Lately, it feels like everything I do has to live up to something great…it has to be better than the last time.

NOW...thats not to say that I am not *EXTREMELY* greatful for the blessings that have come my way, because believe me, I AM!! I look forward to hopefully even more in the future.

In feeling like this though and not letting myself acknowledge it, I have let myself suffer (mentally…I am horrified with how I’ve handled myself after these past few races…I am a fighter, I don’t beat myself up!!)…my house suffer (I barely want to do the dishes)…my tracking suffer (I’m still below my goal weight, but not as much as usual)…my physical activity has suffered (not anywhere near where it normally is)…my bills have suffered…my full time job has suffered…my races have suffered…

So what do I do now….

I take it easy.  I remind myself that I am human, just like everyone else.

I am a runner, just like everyone else.

I am a Weight Watcher, just like everyone else. 

I struggle, just like everyone else. 

I fall, just like everyone else.

I’ve never been out to please others, so I don’t know why I feel I need to do that or live up to a standard they may have about me now.  I know that in this instance that I didn’t live up to *MY* own standard, but then again, I wasn’t being honest with myself.  

This post could go on for a lot longer, but I’m going to cut it short here.  There will be a part two I am sure, once I continue to reframe myself.  So along with reframing, I will get back to my roots.  My next race is July 10th, and I’d like to think I can get my shit back together before then.  I need to get back to running for ME!!  As runners, it is natural for us to be hard on ourselves, but there is a line between being hard and being self destruction, and I have definitely crossed that line lately.

Stopping this race mid-way through may have saved my life…or in a less dramatic way, a trip to the hospital…or I could have kept running an 8:30 pace and had a new PR…I will never know…

But I do know that what I’ve learned about myself and how I’ve treated myself these past few months, is worth the wondering. 

**an ENORMOUS thank you goes out to all of you on Twitter, Facebook and Daily Mile for all of your encouragement and inspiration.  I kind of “unplugged” from most of the social media sites so I didn’t get to reply back to most of you.  I’m sorry for being a whiny ass bitch (Logan!).  Thanks for putting up with me. xoxo**

The Golden Arches

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There is a McDonald’s right next to our local grocery store. I’ve been known to stop there from time to time, though not too often of course. I know, I know….McDonalds is bad for you, blah blah blah, whine whine whine.
How do you know that what I’m having at McDonalds isn’t good for me?? You don’t, so politely shut it!!


This isn’t about me and my trip to McDonalds though…this is about one woman’s trip there.

I do not know who she is. I do not know her name. I don’t know how often she frequents that establishment or what her favorite combo #meal is.

But I do know that she was sitting in her car, all alone. I do know that she was demolishing down on some sort of large burger with the large fries on the dashboard. I do know that just by glancing at this woman sitting in her car that she was majorly obese.

Part of me started to cry for her. I wanted to stop my car and go over to her and ask her WHY?!?! WHY are you sitting here, alone, in a McDonald’s parking lot, eating alone?? WHY do you not love yourself?? WHY do you think you are not worth better??

I remembered, and seriously, I’m not just trying to bring up my Oprah moment here, but on the show I was on they talked to a woman who used to do just this…eat alone in her car. BINGE alone in her car. Was this woman in the same place in her life??

My heart truly felt for this woman.

But the truth of the matter is…I don’t know that woman’s story. Maybe she *doesn’t* frequent McDonalds often. Even though she had New York license plates, maybe she lived out of town and just wanted to grab something quick. Maybe this is just a little treat she does for herself every so often.

If I was so go sit alone in the parking lot, and eat my Grilled Southwest chicken salad in my car, under the golden arches…would people feel sorry for me?? Would they know that I’m a runner?? That I’ve lost 101 lbs?? That I *USED* to be a McChicken & McDouble & large fry kind of gal but now I’m a Grilled Southwest Chicken Salad lover who every couple of months will treat herself to small fry??

No, they don’t. Nobody who just crosses our paths for only a moment ever knows our true stories. Maybe, this day was just a real shitty day for that woman, and god knows we all have those…
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