It’s been a little bit since I’ve blogged. It feels like every time I would sit down these past couple of weeks to write, nothing came out. Idea’s would come and go but nothing ever stayed with me long enough to get it down. I’ve always gone by the rule that if I don’t feel passionate about what I am posting, then I’d rather post nothing. I’m not an “every day” blogger because I don’t have the time to do that (nor am I that creative). I work 2 jobs and have a family, a house and myself to take care of.
As I think about that last sentence, I realize all of it is true & is what has kept me from blogging the past 2 weeks…except for one part…taking care of myself.
I have not been taking care of myself. At all. Not one bit.
I’ve said “yes” to the cookies. I’ve said “give me all your cheese & chips & dips”. I’ve said “Ok, just one more beer” about 12 times a night.
I’ve said “I’ll work out tomorrow”. I’ve said “tomorrow I will track”. I’ve said “tomorrow I will make better choices”.
Well the tomorrow’s have come and gone and here I am…Still treating myself like I have committed a crime.
The 7 lb gain on the scale is not what scares me. Fuck, that didn’t even jump start me into getting back on track. That just made me head to Wendy’s for a W burger & grab some more beer.
It’s the clothes that don’t fit right, the look on my face, the way I carry myself, the things I think about myself, that scares me.
The weight will come off. That doesn’t worry me. What worries me is the pattern I’ve slipped into and how hard I’m finding it to save myself from drowning in it.
But then I tell myself…’Tis the Season!! In a way, I feel like that’s an excuse, but you know what…it’s kind of a legit one. Temptation is all around, and unlike last year, I’ve given in WAY more…but it happens. My Activity Points earned on a weekly basis have been 0…but it happens.
This weather is depressing. We barely see any sunshine. I go into work in the dark. I get out of work in the dark. Depressing!!
The thing is, I know that you can survive the holiday season without all this negativity and weight gain. I’ve done it in the past!! Last year, on December 23rd I made Lifetime with Weight Watchers!! It *CAN* be done. I guess this year…I just jumped ship.
One would think that I would be on top of my game right now. In just a few short days everything that I worked SO hard for and one of the proudest moments in my life will be revealed. I would want to look my best and feel my best right??
But I do not.
So I can do one of two things. I can stop this pity party, smack myself in the face & get back to treating myself, my mind and my body, like it deserves to be treated. I know that by doing this that it will lead me back to happiness. Or I could just stay on this train and head into a major wreck.
I am choosing to be happy. I am letting go of all the negativity. I am letting go of all the bad choices. I am letting go of all the regrets.
I am moving forward. I am making a pledge to be more mindful of my choices. I am tracking. I am moving my body. I am forgiving.
Sometimes we don’t have “perfect” days, weeks or even months. In my case, it’s felt like a few months. It’s realizing the issues and being able to forgive yourself and move on that reminds us how we really do love ourselves & want the best health we can give ourselves. No amount of holiday treats can take that away from us.
Do not ever give up on yourself.
Powered by Blogger.