It’s a beautiful day…

6 comments

Today the type of days I dream of…

Mid 60’s, early 70’s ALL DAY LONG….low humidity…just a couple of cute passing clouds in the sky…no rain, but hey, even if it did sprinkle, no bother.

Today reminded me of Autumn…my favorite season.  And with my favorite season brings my favorite holiday, Halloween, and my birthday (October 19th…the most bad-ass day of the year ;) and a climate and smell to the air that brings nothing but peace and calm that no other season can bring.

This Autumn also brings my first full marathon.

So one would ask…”well, you must have gone running on this seemingly perfect day right?!?!”

NO!!

Instead I sat my lazy ass on the couch & thought about how beautiful it was and thought about how much I should/wanted to be out there.

I came to a realization today…a deep one.  Earlier on Twitter I posted things that I miss, and I said : I miss Airplanes, NYC, excitement and running for fun/pleasure.

That is SO true….and just typing those words made me open my eyes.

I have always said since day 1 that I am NOT a long distance runner.  I have no desire to follow training plans, or do Ultras, or run 100 miles a week…

And this my friends, is the answer to why I haven’t worked on my marathon training.

Do I want to run a 26.2…yes, I do….

Do I want to do it this year…..I did….

Do I still want to….yes, just to say I did and get it done with….no other reason!!

I miss going out after work and running 3-6 miles because I WANTED TOO!! I miss running because I felt like it, not because I felt like I HAD to!!  I miss running without aches and pains…because the aches and pains mean that I am running towards something that I’m fighting against…I know my body.

I’m not going to blame social media….or others….not even on myself. 

People change….GOALS change….even within an 8 month time.  8 months ago….my life turned upside down and things havent been the same.  *I* havent been the same…not in a bad way, just in a crazy, hectic, wtf do I do now way!?

I’m going to do the marathon I October, because I set out to do it….I made a commitment to myself.  Do I love it as much today as I did 8 months ago…no.  Will I be all “OMG IM SO HAPPY I DID IT I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER IM SO BLESSED” afterwards…eh, not unless I’m drunk….

But I will do it….and I will give it my best.  Because I know that I *DESRVE* the best.  So from here on out…I’m not going to fake it or make myself believe something I truly don’t believe.  I don’t care if I only run 2 miles between now and October 2nd.  I want to run because I *want* to run…I want to run because I *want* choose to….not because I feel like I have to or should.

Sometimes, we stop listening to ourselves…and that is when we start to fall apart.

6 comments:

  1. so glad you are not obessing. My friend is running one in 4 weeks and she is drowning in fear and anxiety. Im like is it worth it? Look what this is doing to you? relax! I have done marathons but I never freaked out about it. the more relaxed u are the better u will do of course u have to train and get in a long run etc etc. That advice I got from runners world when I emailed the editor. But she wont listen to me. She isnt even sleeping! So Im glad to hear you are getting relaxed about it! And yes you will write a post on how you kicked ass and how blessed you are. All that matters is that u finish walking or running. Just keep your mental health--its not worth losing it! Re. you changing past 8 months...arent you glad you are not standing still? Glad you are moving and evolving. Dont pay any attention to any haters out there. They dont matter. And those that matter to you truly dont mind that you are changing. They should be happy for you that you are becoming a better you. If they are not...then thats a whole other thing.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Me too!
    You probably don't remember me, but I emailed you a long time ago and told you about my mom having cancer and my stress/struggles taking care of myself. At the beginning of this year I signed myself up for 3 distances races (I walk though - there's no way I could run!). Walking helps me clear my head and signing up for races is the one way I commit to walking regularly - for the training. Well, my mom died about 2 weeks before the first race (a 20K). I did the race anyway, after missing a bit of training, but I sure didn't care about it or anything else. I did the second race this month and it sucked - it was REALLY hot and humid and I felt sick afterward and completely fried. I have one more race - a half marathon - in October. I was seriously thinking about blowing it off because I'm tired of sticking to the training schedule. I'm tired of these stupid long walks (it takes me 2 hours to walk 8 miles) every Saturday morning. I'm tired of pushing myself. You know how your body can be exhausted but you can still make yourself do things? I reached a point where I didn't think I could do that any more. I was completely out of gas: mentally, physically, emotionally.
    But I decided to do the October race anyway. Unlike you, I'm not sure I'll do my best (LOL), but I will put in the training time and I will show up for the race. At least that's the plan for now. If I get that overwhelmed feeling again in couple of weeks I'll just let the race go. Because it's a race - there are races all year round and there will always be another one. The $50 entry fee is long gone, paid months ago, so the loss of money won't even hurt.
    Take care of yourself and don't worry about what anyone else thinks of it. If you're going through a stressful time, focus on taking care of yourself. You deserve that care. Beating the hell out of your body isn't always the solution (LOL)! Make the choice that's best for you and to hell with what anybody else thinks.
    - Dawn

    ReplyDelete
  3. you totally described how i am feeling about my full marathon this October (empire). i am at the point where i am hating my training as well and can't wait for it to be over. it's my first marathon and will be my last. the long runs kill me for two days afterward. it sucks ass. i did my first half at turning stone and found that i LOVE that distance. i'll be sticking with the half from here on out.

    ReplyDelete
  4. VERY wise Suzi. It's a big day when we realize we're listening to our body and changing our goals accordingly. Have a wonderful Monday.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I thought this post from another blog that I read might apply to you or something that you might just read. She's awesome.

    http://www.shutupandrun.net/2011/09/sand-sex-and-sick-overtraining-101.html

    ReplyDelete
  6. You are an inspiration to me!!

    http://thirty-going-on-eighteen.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete

Powered by Blogger.