Appetite for Destruction

17 comments

Sorry but no, this is not a blog post dedicated to the awesomeness of Guns n’ Roses amazing debut album, though believe me, I could go on and on about how bad ass that album is. 

I was originally writing a blog post about movement and what motivates us to move more, based on this weeks Weight Watcher topic to, you guessed it, MOVE MORE!  However though, things took a little bit of a change and I wanted to post this one first.

I’ve been bit by the blues bug!  Why Suzi?  How come Suzi?  You’re on top of the world right now Suzi?  Yes, I guess in ways I am, but if you’ve been following me for a while now, you know that I am notorious for screwing with my own progress.  I can’t tell you how many times I was only 1 or 2 lbs away from hitting another weight loss milestone, only to go on a binge and then be 5-6 lbs away. 

I’ve talked about this a bit before, and how there is definitely some deep down psychological nonsense going on here as to why we do this to ourselves.  I know I am not alone here!  (Right? Please?)  Once we feel like we are on top of the world, we somehow manage to take a few extra steps back.

Anticipation for the Weight Watchers photo shoot, hitting 101 lbs lost, getting the new job with Weight Watchers, fitting into a size small dress from Victoria Secrets…I have *SO* many things to  be thankful for right now and believe me, I am without a doubt VERY thankful for all of them. 

So then why did I manage to eat 2…yes, count them, TWO bricks of cheese this weekend??  Why have I managed to bring bottles of wine into my life on a more regular basis again??  Why did I order that sub WITH OIL??  Why did I eat an entire tub (albeit a regular size one, not a large one) of hummus (damn you Sabra!)??  And then the next night eat almost 1/2 a container of french onion dip??

I don’t know why I did these things or made these choices.  BUT I do know one thing and that is that I cannot undo what I did.  I have no magical time machine that will take me back and make me think twice.  I acted on impulse and without care.  Maybe I just didn’t want to be a “weight watcher” for a few days.  Maybe I wanted to seem like someone who hasn’t ever had to watch their weight or watch what they eat.  Either way, whats done is done.

So here I sit, feeling like shit.  The scale is not my friend right now, but I know better than to manage how I feel based on what that thing says!  What matters is how I *physically* feel.  My stomach has been killing me and I feel like I have a bag of rocks in it.  I don’t have that same glow in my face and I feel yucky in my clothes.  I feel depressed and tired and like I’m full of garbage.  All of this hit me head on like an awful crash. 

But I will tell myself what I have told so many others…It is what it is!  Face it, accept it and MOVE ON!  Today was a brand new day and while mentally I may still be feeling a bit yucky, physically I am starting to feel a bit better.  I have tracked today and measured and weight out all of my food.  I got lots of extra H2O in and have a healthy dinner of rotisserie chicken, baked potato & roasted asparagus in store for me.

My right Achilles (ankle) has been bothering me for almost two weeks now.  I havent been on a run since last Monday and I am pretty sure that has played a major role into all of this.  Just goes to show you how important activity and movement in your life can be!!  However, my ankle is feeling a bit better today, but I was smart and am keeping up with the icing and compressing.  Maybe tomorrow or Friday I can do a couple miles on the treadmill.  I hope :/

Enough with the debbi-downer stuff though….Here are some good things…..

  • I got all my Weight Watchers employment paperwork & sent it all back out.  I am officially a Weight Watchers employee now!  I will start my training within the next week!
  • My photo shoot for the Weight Watchers success story will take place this month! I am more excited about this than I can even put in words.  I cant wait to share this journey with all of you!
  • This Saturday is the annual BrewFest!!  I plan on doing a whole post about this afterwards.  This is pretty much the only time of year I drink “real” beer and a lot of my family comes into town to go.  It’s a big to-do for all of us.  If you remember from last year, I won the Triple Atomic Chicken Wing Challenge at Quaker, Steak & Lube afterwards. (however in my drunken state, I only asked to do the atomic but realized a few weeks later that they gave me the triple)
  • I got my hair trimmed this week.  I know I will have stylists and stuff in NYC for the photo shoot but I wanted to get my ends trimmed at least.  I havent had a cut since before my 1/2 marathon…(please note, I had to get up at 7:00 am, didn’t go to bed until 2:00 am…I’m also not wearing any makeup so I apologize for the blah!)hair
  • And then there is the crazy exciting news about this years Valentines Day dress.  For those of you who don’t know, Valentines Day is a big deal for Frankie and I.  Each year we go out and spend a lot of money on each other and together.  You can read about last year here.  Ordering my dress for Valentines Day has kind of become an event all on its own.  This years dress comes from Victoria Secrets and is a size SMALL. Here’s a pic of it (in rough draft form of course…I wont be rocking the ace bandage & my hair & makeup will be done LOL)scaled

Well, thank you for listening to me bitch and whine.  I know this feeling of “blah” will pass.  Sometimes, we just need to feel “the low” so we can remember how awesome “the high” feels.  I may not learn right away why I do this to myself, but I come away a little stronger and wiser each time. 

XOXO

17 comments:

  1. I think what is important is that you realize you slipped up- and you know how to correct it! But I completely understand why it's hard to deal with.
    And you look awesome in that dress!!

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  2. Aw, sweetie. I think we're all having a rough week.I know I am feeling the same way. I haven't eaten that much because I didn't bring in a lot of junk, but I've eaten a few things I haven't. We're all human. And we know it's going to happen from time to time. But you know it can be corrected and you're doing that. Which is what I'm doing, too.

    You look AMAZING in that dress. Frankie is going to LOVE it.

    BTW, my hubby is upset this post isn't about Guns N Roses. lol

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  3. Um, you just shut up about that first picture. You're my new girl crush.

    Your mind doesn't know the difference between good stress and bad stress. I mean, we all know the difference logically, but our reactions tend to be the same regardless of the goodness/badness of the stress. And when your preferred coping method is temporarily unavailable, it's easy to revert back to the old ways. Stay mindful & have fun on Valentine's Day! :)

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  4. Don't beat yourself up! I know how easy it is to focus on the negative because it is what so many of us are conditioned to do. The most important thing to remember right now and in the days to come is how far you have come and all of the amazing things you have accomplished.

    Best analogy I ever heard with regard to weight loss, but it can be applied to any situation: if you are driving down the highway and get a flat tire, you don't get out of your car and slash the other three tires. You call AAA or change the tire yourself and keep it moving. Same thing here -- you had some rough moments, accept them for what they were and look forward.

    You are awesome and you look fierce in that dress, girl! Take good care of you and KEEP IT MOVING.

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  5. I too tend to self sabotage but you acknowledged it, owned it and now can move on

    You will look sooo pretty all dolled up on valentines day

    Looking forward to your ww shoot

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  6. We all do this to ourselves. We get close to a goal and we self sabotage. You recognized it took responsibility and are moving forward and that is what is important.

    You look amazing in that dress! I can't wait to see the WW article.

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  7. Thank you for posting this. This is exactly what I needed to read tonight.

    Normally, I love reading people's posts on Twitter and on blogs, and feel inspired by their success. Their tales of how they used to be overweight but now run marathons, wear a size small, whatever, always inspire me. But not this week. It all pissed me off because I felt like I was a WW failure.

    I've been having a shit week, not wanting to track anything, measure anything, or restrict myself. I'm only a few months into my journey, new to exercise, and only 12.6 pounds down.

    I'm sorry that you've had a rough week, but it's comforting, in a way, to know that folks who have been on this journey for a while still falter. Your post made me feel less alone. So even in your less-than-perfect WW week, you still inspired.

    That said, it is definitely time to move on for both of us. I'll get out my measuring cups tomorrow, track my points, and drink my water. I hope you'll do the same.

    You're going to be an amazing leader. In a way, you already are. :)

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  8. you look AMAZING. Enjoy your shoot!

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  9. You are going to be an awesome leader because you are human. You may trip and fall, but you get right back up and run. You look great in that red dress!

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  10. I'm a new reader to your blog, but know already you'll get back on track in no time. I'm looking forward to reading your success story in the magazine. Hang in there, you ARE an inspiration!!! (and not just in your loss...in your honesty too!) Take care.

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  11. I think what you experienced is more normal than we'd all like to admit. I've been there. I am moving along well -- making progress -- seeing results. And suddenly, BAM! I sabotage myself.

    I haven't totally figured it out yet, but I think it's fear. Fear of what I could be or what life will be like when I reach that goal. My identity has been wrapped up in being the fat girl for so long that I think I question who I will be if I am not the fat girl anymore.

    It sounds crazy, I know. I am not just a fat girl. There is so much more to me. I know I will be better off when I let go of that part of me, but I am struggling to figure out who I will be without it at the same time.

    Congrats on your successes with WW! Enjoy the photo shoot -- I hope you feel like a rockstar!

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  12. Congrats on reaching your goal, you look amazing.

    Bless you for this post. I am rather new to WW and have lost about 15 pounds. Today has been bad, I am sitting here feeling like such a failer. Your post has inspired me to continue on my journey, just when I felt like giving up. Usually I would say I will do better tomorrow, but instead I am going to start right now!

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  13. You look damn hot in that dress lady!!!
    When you're feeling down you should remember how many people you inspire with your blog and the huge journey you've been on has had lots of ups AND downs!! Blips are normal, it's how we get past them that counts and all that jazz! :P
    Thanks for posting!
    :)

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  14. Believe it or not, this was the topic of MY meeting this week. How to not quit when you hit the skids on the program. How sometimes we just need a break from all the friggin' counting. It's okay to give ourselves a break as long as we're smart and accountable. Sounds like you have that down. Enjoying your blog.

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  15. What a great post! I am with you. And no all about being on top of the world, sabotaging my good work, and then feeling guilty as hell. It's an going cycle. But one I recognize. Still not sure exactly how to deal with it, but I am getting better at not being so hard on myself and accepting that it just part of who I am. I will never be in a constant state bliss, ever. Too many years of bad behavior and bad thinking. But knowing that I am not alone and listening to someone say that they go through it too, helps! Thanks and you do look great in that dress. Maybe someday soon, I can wear a hot short red dress. Not sure how my wife would feel about that, but oh well... ;-) Have a great weekend and keep blogging~

    PS I did a blog post not long ago, dealing with a similar BLAH period. Check it out~

    http://brianephillips.com/uncategorized/i-can

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  16. My attitude went for a dive when I broke my leg and couldn't run. Maybe you should replace the cardio with cycling until you can run on the ankle again?

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  17. Thank you so much for this. I just found your blog today through BitchCakes and have been going backwards through your posts. This one made me stop and say "OH. SHIT." I have wondered for the longest time if I am the only person who sabotages my Weight Watchers weight loss. Every time I get closer to a new milestone, I eat everything in sight. Then I'm farther away from that milestone and have to work towards it again. I don't know why I do it, but thank you for showing me I'm not alone.

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