Take the lead

18 comments

 

*NOTE: I wrote this blog post the other night…after many beers.  I haven't proof-read it nor do I plan to.  This is a touchy subject so I am just going to post it as is. You might call me selfish after this, but I believe in loving yourself most, otherwise no one can ever really love *you*….. 

 

I’ve heard about a lot of people who have trouble putting themselves first.  I guess in a way that’s hard for everyone on some certain level.  You don’t need to have children or a husband or a busy home to put yourself last on the list.  There are many times when it can be you, and you alone, but still you manage to put yourself last on the “take care of” list.

I’m an only child.  I grew up in a broken household with many, many problems.  Some quite serious and some that would leave a few deep scars.  I am selfish by nature and I think this is one of the reasons why children of my own are just not in my cards.  I am a “ME” kind of gal and I never apologize for it.

At the same time though, I am an absolute giver.  I want to help the world.  I want nothing more than to make the people in my life feel loved, wanted and needed.  Seeing them sad breaks my heart and I will not stop until I see them smile.  Sometimes…this gets the best of me. 

I want to talk about this because right now, the idea of “putting myself first” is being put to the test.

As many of you know, I am in the middle of the “maintenance” period after reaching goal.  Maintenance is 6 consecutive weeks of weigh-ins and at the end of it I have to be within 2 lbs of my goal weight to reach “Lifetime” status at Weight Watchers.  This is the ultimate status and is the true goal on this journey. 

If I meet this, I will become a Lifetime member on December 23rd…what better Christmas present could I ever give myself??  There is none that could even come close to comparing.

But I feel as though I am put to the ultimate test…

During these 6 weeks I have to deal with the following:

  • Holidays…Thanksgiving and Christmas are all within my maintenance period.  One of my meeting members pointed out that I get more points during this time, LOL.  But still…this is a very hard time.  Especially since my meetings are on Thursdays and most of these holidays fall ON Thursdays and I cant attend my regular meeting.
  • Family issues…My mother is having surgery this week.  Thursday to be exact.  Now this isnt as extensive of a surgery as before.  I wasn’t blogging at the time but last year my mother had very extensive brain surgery.  Half of her skull had to be removed and replaced with plastic due to brain tumors.  This surgery coming up is just a complete hysterectomy so while its not as invasive, it is still an issue since this is dealing with a possible cancer and it has her being laid up for a few weeks poses some issues.  I am the only person she has around so this puts quite a burden on my shoulders.
  • Weight Watchers decided to change NOW!!  Are you serious??  LOL…now I know I just wrote about how change is good, and I really do believe that.  But I also know that I said I was scared and this is mostly because this is the SCARIEST part of my journey so far on Weight Watchers.  I now only have FOUR WEEKS to reach lifetime status and I have to learn to adapt to a whole new program in that short period of time, all the meanwhile maintaining my weight???? 

This is one sick fucking joke.

OK…but truth be told…this is where we grow.  This is where we become stronger human beings and where we win our biggest battles. 

It would be easier for me to give up or call a time out.  It would be easier for me to blame my mothers surgery, Weight Watchers new plan, the holidays…for a reason to take a “pause”.  But I can’t do that with a clear conscious.  I HAVE done that before and I know that all you do is come out of the other side feeling worse and even more horrible, feeling guilty.  I can’t make excuses for poor behavior based on the elements going on around me…they do NOT rule me nor control me. 

Just as this Thanksgiving…there was no meeting so I had to go a day before.  There is no if, ands or buts here…I have to weigh-in for 6 weeks and a row, so I found another place to do so (and I became Dr. Suees).  I didn’t use the excuse of “the holidays” and neither should you!!

This Thursday (12/2) is a very hard day for me.  It is my mothers surgery but it is also the day where I am supposed to go to my meeting and learn all about the new Weight Watchers programs.  Now, I am an e-tools subscriber so I will get an idea through there, but I have already gone over my dilemma with my leader, and my mother. 

On Wednesday I will go and get weighed-in a day early,..again (UGH!).  This is just incase something happens and the surgery takes longer or what not, but I wont have to worry about missing my weigh-in this week.  BUT…at the same time I have expressed to my mother how important Thursday’s meeting is to me and considering that we will be in the hospital by 6AM…she thinks I will be fine to make it to my meeting by 5:00 PM.  We will play it by ear and see how the day goes,

The point I am trying to make is that when something is important to you…I mean REALLY important, you make no excuses for it.  You don’t try to cover it up, hide it, or push it to the side.  The people most important in my life know how serious Weight Watchers is to me and how it is who I am and I will NEVER give that up.  I will never again put it on the back burner to let life step in because THIS IS my life.  Me saying “No I’m sorry I can’t do Weight Watchers right now” is the same as my mother telling her doctor she wont have this surgery right now because of the holidays…you have to do what is right for you.  Not everyone will agree with this, but that’s ok.  I don’t do this to please anybody fucking else but myself.  I have no regrets and I have no shame.  I am awesome because I make myself that way and I let nothing stand in my way!!    

Every moment of every day is a choice.  As long as you stay true to what you want and remember to put yourself first, then it will be good choice!  If you don’t put love for yourself and your happiness first, can you really expect others to put love and happiness around you??  You cant buy love or happiness…you earn it. 

Love yourself most, because you are the only person you can truly count on…and that’s not a bad thing. 

18 comments:

  1. Well said, beers or no beers. Good for you for sticking to your guns. It would be easier to take a break, but you're right, it'll just feel so much sweeter if you stick it out and make it to your goal on your terms. Best of luck these next few weeks, to you and your mom. Take care.

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  2. Hey Suzy, I can't tell you how many times I have said that last sentence, specifically "because you are the only person you can truly count on" - to people who haven't gotten the idea that you HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF YOU FIRST. I actually smiled this entire read because I feel like so few people get this. Realizing that I have to be my own best friend was the best thing that ever happened to me because it gives me control. So many people try and fill the void with other things...a child, a man, food, whatever - but you can never be happy until you LOVE YOU. It makes everything so much easier!

    I'm enduring one of the worst times of my life right now and I had a terrible weekend in which I felt like I lost sight of this, so I wanted to thank you for writing this blog and reminding me a little.

    Good luck on everything you're going through. The other good thing to remember is to only allow yourself to fret over things you can control.

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  3. Oh so true!! Thank you for this blog post yes beer or no beer!LOL I wish that I had "gotten" what you were saying soooo many years ago. I have not put myself first in so long I have no idea how to love myself. But I have to say I can always learn and even though I will be 35 in 2 weeks I am not to old.
    I am so sure you will do fine and get to lifetime. Hang in there and take care!

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  4. This post right here is why I stay a part of the "bloggy world." I needed a good kick in the ass...and you delivered lol.

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  5. What a fantastic post. I wish your mother all the very best and i will be cheering you on for the 23rd

    xx
    lesley

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  6. If its any help, I had a complete hysterectomy in 2001 and, while I wouldn't exactly classify it as a cake walk, it was not that bad! Your mom will be fine. Go to your meeting and enjoy it.

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  7. Awesome post! I have had to jump through some hoops on my journey with weight loss as well. My wife isn't as much of a "fitness nazi" (her words not mine) as I am, so most of my fitness and weight loss has been a personal journey with no one to share workouts or diets with. Luckily I have had friends along the way that have stepped in and helped out. Overall, tho, I have had to be about "me" more times than I normally am. There are no excuses when the goal is as important as living a longer healthier life.

    You are a real life hero to me and I love reading your stuff. Not often do you find someone that is so raw about weight loss, fitness and life in general. You have been an inspiration for me personally and one of the people I point out when I have been told "You can't lose weight AND drink beer".

    Here's to you, meeting your weight goal and inevitably maintaining it, cause we know you will!

    Ernie (@beercentric)

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  8. Excellent post! At the risk of being cliche, I love your blog because you keep it real.

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  9. Not selfish at all - i think you put it perfectly. You can do this - i have a feeling Lifetime status is right within your grasp!!

    Will be sending good vibes for your mom's surgery!

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  10. Thank you for sharing that. I'm rooting for you.

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  11. I'll drink to that! Great post. Best of luck in the coming weeks.

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  12. You didn't need to proofread... it was perfect! So incredibly well said. I can't imagine having to deal with all of that stuff. You are right it would be so much easier to throw in the towel, but it isn't worth it! I feel like I have NOTHING to complain about now.

    As far as the taking care of yourself part, it is 100% necessary in this journey. There are too many times to count that I know I should have stayed and played with my little boy, but instead I went for a run. Selfish? Not one bit, he has a healthy, fit mama that will last a whole hell of a lot longer now at the weight!

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  13. Hang in there. I know exactly how you feel - I am about 2 pounds from my goal and already nervous about maintence and the holidays. And then the points are all changing, just when I've gotten to the point where I can look at something and really total up the points in my head. Really?!? But I'm going to give it my best shot, hopefully it will help everyone achieve their goals.

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  14. Yes, you do need to put yourself first. I am going on vacation on Thursday, which is my normal At Work meeting, so I am actually taking some time off work tomorrow to go to a meeting at a center so I can actually hear someone explain the program versus just trying to learn it online.

    I wish your mom the best on Thursday.

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  15. This is your life! I can relate to everything you said...& I need to think more about it and how it applies to my own life. We as people can give so much more when we take care of our own needs first. Right On!

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  16. **big fat hugs**
    you are a rock star bb - never doubt that!!!
    i'm here if you ever need anything :)

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  17. Thanks to Sarah for sharing this - yes, you can do it and thank you so much for sharing. Helped me look at my struggles and put them in perspective. You WILL be the success you desire. Hope your Mom is doing well.
    Hugs,
    Kathie R

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  18. Wow I think I needed to read this. Thank you.

    I hope your mom's surgery was a success.

    @missmarisol

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