You would think that with the previous two posts I’ve had that I would be feeling on top of the world right?? Like nothing can get me down and I’m unstoppable?? Well, true and false.
I do feel unstoppable. The amount of accomplishment I feel inside myself is so extreme. It’s something I truly have never experienced it before. And a blog reader put it best in his comment to me…no one can ever take this away from me.
But of course…I can sabotage my own ‘high’ and that's just what I unintentionally did.
I knew that while I was on vacation I would indulge. I wasn't planning on counting my points really of any of that nonsense. I do this from time to time and while I don't recommend it for everyone, I know how to make this work sometimes for me. Obviously, it doesn't work every time but sometimes its just the kick in the butt I need to get my mind charged up and my metabolism fired up.
But this time, I took it a bit too far.
My plan was to give myself Monday to still be “off plan” and get it back together on Tuesday. Yeah…that didn't happen. What did happen was food, food, food and beer, beer, beer. Not my extra girly light beer either. I went back to my good old buddy Coors Light for about 5 straight days.
Wednesday!! Wednesday was time to get back in gear!! What's that?? Cheese, pepperoni, crackers…What?? Where did it all go?? Oh shit, I ate it ALL?? Oopsies. My bad. Wait, dinner is coming up?? Goulash?? I’ll take one giant bowl please!! Oh and grab me another beer too please…13 is an odd number so that's make it even.
Obviously…come Thursday morning, the day of my Weight Watchers meeting, I knew that I would not be getting on the scale. I made myself so physically sick with food the night before that I was up all that night with heartburn and a stomach so full I thought I was going to burst.
I got on the scale that morning and saw that I was up almost 6 lbs (almost close to 10 on some days).
I knew I had slipped, and I had gotten out of control. I let the race, the Philly trip and the vacation take over me and set me back into old habits. Habits that now a days I know how to control and handle if I do decided to indulge in them. All of that was lost to me now.
Thursday morning I woke up feeling awful. More awful then I felt in a long time. I sat down with myself and really started to think about *why* I was doing this to myself…what it worth it…Did I truly enjoy it??
Well I can tell you guys this…It wasn't worth it and honestly, I did enjoy parts of it. But I didn't enjoy it enough to let it take over me or to ruin the amazing progress I have made. So after having this mini pep talk with myself, I got online and I looked at my blog, the blogs that inspire me, my fellow Twitter buddies, even pulled out my medal from the 1/2 marathon and some magazines. I found all the inspiration I needed to get motivated again and get back on program!!
Now in the past when I have done this and knew I didn't want to face the scale, I would just not go to the meeting. But I knew I *needed* that meeting. Due to how busy I’ve been lately I haven't been able to stay for my meeting and I don't doubt for one second that that is also a factor in my own self destruction. But I had to go and see my leader and tell her all about the race.
So ladies and gentlemen…for the first time ever in my Weight-Watchers journey…I used the WW No Weigh-In pass.
My amazing leader Cathleen put an A+ on it, because she said the scale didn't matter this week…I ran a 1/2 marathon!!
And that was my thought exactly. I know that some people are very strict with the scale and must face it either way. I too and sometimes like that. But sometimes, you just cant face it. Yes, I faced it at home so I knew where I stood, but I knew that getting on that scale at the meeting and having to come home and put it in my etools would be concrete, and I just didn't want that to happen.
Some weeks when you know you’ve been real “bad”, getting on the scale and seeing that # go up can be a good thing! It can re-motivate you and give you just the kick in the ass you need. But sometimes, when you are already down (I’m also insanely stress about a current car situation we have & other things in life) seeing what you already know just makes things even more shitty and if you are like me…sometimes I go *FURTHER* down a hole, and I definitely did *NOT* want to do that.
So I used my No Weigh-In pass and I am not ashamed to say that I did so!
You know what else I did that same day…I tracked *everything* I ate AND drank (yes people…all 8 beers). I ran for the first time since the 1/2 marathon (3 miles…legs still tight but overall it was a great run). I went out to the mall and got my medal engraved (they offered this at the marathon but I didn't have the $$):
And of course, I went to my Weight Watcher meeting and stayed for the entire thing. I’m so glad that I did! It was great to tell my leader and my members about the race and have them ask me about how close to goal I am. It was just what I needed to keep me motivated and to remind me why I am here on this journey to begin with.
Now of course…I cant give glorious news about yesterday (Friday). I had a big OOPS day all day long pretty much and the scale this morning is not my friend again.
But today is a new day! I’m already in my running gear and planning to take advantage of this cooler fall morning. And of course, I plan to kick ass as plan again today!!
We will always fall down, but we can always get back up. Where there is an uphill there is a downhill and vice versa.
I know that next week, the scale might not be in my favor yet but at least when I step onto it, I will know that I made my best efforts to pick myself up and dust myself off!! I will know that I am mentally stronger and next time I will be even *more* prepared to face challenges like this.
This surely wont be the last time I fuck up, but maybe it will be the last time (and only time) that I have to use the No Weigh-In pass…cause I don't think they let you use that once you reach goal & lifetime. ;)